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Thoughts on the Parsha ~
Parshas Vayeitzei
Roles and Rolls:
Sticks and Stones May Break My
Bones, But People I Have No Patience For
By: Daniel Listhaus
וַיְהִי בַבֹּקֶר וְהִנֵּה הִוא לֵאָה וַיֹּאמֶר אֶל לָבָן מַה
זֹּאת עָשִׂיתָ לִּי הֲלֹא בְרָחֵל עָבַדְתִּי עִמָּךְ וְלָמָּה רִמִּיתָנִי: וַיֹּאמֶר לָבָן לֹא יֵעָשֶׂה כֵן בִּמְקוֹמֵנוּ לָתֵת
הַצְּעִירָה לִפְנֵי הַבְּכִירָה:
“And it was in the
morning, and behold , it was Leah! So he [Yaakov] said to Lavan, ‘What is this
you have done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I worked for you? Why have you deceived
me?’ Lavan said, ‘Such is not done in our place, to give the younger one before
the elder…’”
-Vayeitzei 29:25-26
After
working for Lavan for seven years in order to be able to marry Rachel, the
Torah[1]
relates that Lavan tricked Yaakov and switched Rachel for Leah. Rashi[2]
writes that Yaakov had considered the possibility of this happening and
actually prepared for it by giving Rachel a secret sign to use in order that he
know that it was her. However, when Rachel saw that Lavan was bringing Leah to
him, she told Leah the secret signs to spare her from embarrassment.
The
Torah records that when Yaakov called Lavan out on his evil actions, Lavan
responded coolly that there was nothing he could do. He hands were tied. After
all, the custom of the land was to marry off the elder daughter before the
younger one. As a man of principles, he argued to Yaakov, how could he possibly
have meant anything that would counter the custom of the land?
The
problem with this logic is that Lavan himself makes it quite clear that he
could not care less about such customs. Later in the parsha when the passukim
describe the birth and naming of the shevatim, Rashi[3]
points out that Zilpah is the only one who the Torah does not give the
description of becoming pregnant before giving birth. Rashi explains that the reason the Torah leaves
out the detail only by Zilpah is because she was the youngest of Yaakov’s four
wives and pregnancy was not noticeable in her. Rashi goes on to elaborate
that Lavan purposely gave Zilpah – the younger of the two maidservants – to Leah
in order to trick Yaakov since the custom of the land was to give the older maidservant
to the older daughter and the younger one to the younger daughter. We could
understand that Lavan was the biggest trickster around, but why couldn’t he at
least be consistent with his lies? If he felt the need to give Yaakov an excuse
to justify his giving Leah to him instead of Rachel, telling Yaakov that he is
a man of principle who would never go against the custom of the land, at least
play the lie out fully and wait until right after the marriage and then give
Bilhah – the older of the two maidservants – to Leah. Is he a man of principle
or not? If you are going to be a liar, you might as well be a good consistent one!
Why didn’t Lavan either keep his mouth shut or at least be consistent with his
excuse?
The
answer is a simple one. Lavan was not a man of principle in the least. He was a
man of principles only when those principles helped him further his agenda. As
soon as holding onto a principle held the possibility of hurting his plans, he
immediately let go. Lavan wanted to marry Leah off to Yaakov. His excuse was
that that was the custom of the land to marry the older before the younger. However,
to extend it to the directly related custom of giving the older maidservant to
the older daughter, that would possibly interfere with Lavan’s agenda and give
away his plans, so for that his “principle” flew right out the window. This is
an idea worth thinking about when listening to others as well as when
reflecting on one’s owns thoughts and actions. Oftentimes, when someone has an
ulterior motive or personal agenda and hides behind a principle, in more cases
than not his own “principle” will prove him a liar with a secret scheme.
There
is a certain American legal scholar who specializes in animal protection
issues. He boasts being influenced by Animal Liberation, a 1975 book by
Peter Singer. Since then he has spent about 30 years putting all his efforts
into “speaking for the voiceless and defending the defenseless” by attempting
to take legal action on behalf of chimpanzees to free them from zoos and cages
across America and around the world so that they could live happily and freely
in special Chimpanzee sanctuaries. The fact that he is willing to literally
devote his life on behalf of clients who cannot pay, definitely demonstrates his
motivation and determination. One might suggest that such a person is
tremendously thoughtful and caring – one who is even able to see the best animals;
as he says “We know the extraordinary cognitive capabilities that they
[chimpanzees] have and they also resemble the kind that human beings have… it’s
so terrible to imprison a chimpanzee, especially alone, that’s what we do to
our worst criminals….” However, is it possible that such a person is being
honest with himself? He believes that it is worth spending years of thankless
work to help a couple of chimpanzees and spread his message to the world. His primary
argument for his stance is that chimpanzees are like people. However it is his
diehard principle itself which is the biggest testimony against him. If one
believes that chimpanzees are worthy of investing time and effort into because
they are like people, then wouldn’t a person who understands the value
of people’s rights to the extent that he wants to apply it to animals similar
to people, be the first to make sure that all voiceless and defenseless people
are spoke for and protected before moving on to apes?! His own principles
unmask the fact that there is a hidden agenda, for if he was purely coming out
of love for things similar to humans, imagine how much he should love and go
out of his way to help people – perhaps spend even one year helping those in
need, instead of decades helping chimps.
Of
course, the idea of taking care of animals is one that is true. We say that
Hashem is “ra’cha’mav al kol ma’asov” (Hashem is
merciful on all his creations)[4],
and we must strive to do the same. There are indeed halachos (laws) regarding
tza’ar ba’alei chayim (paining animals), and even a halacha that
all things being equal, one must feed his animal before himself.[5]
However, that being the case, we must keep in mind not get carried away and think
that animals we should care for, but then not be as caring to other people.
There
is a halacha[6]
that on Friday night one must cover the challah before reciting kiddush. The Tur[7] offers
a reason based on a Yerushalmi that we do so in order to save the challah from embarrassment that despite its chashivus (importance) of
being bread, we are passing over it to make kiddush on wine. Of
course, bread does not really get embarrassed it does not have a brain nor ears
nor eyes to understand or hear or see that you are making kiddush on wine instead, yet we are meticulous to make sure that we cover
them. Imagine the following scene: The husband comes home after shul with guests and when he sees that the challahs are not covered
and ready for him to make kiddush, he begins yelling at his wife in front of
the guests how she never has anything ready on time. Such a person clearly
missed the boat. He covers the challah supposedly out of “principle” that everyone
must constantly be in-tuned to the feelings of others, and yet when his wife
does not have them prepared his “principle” gets thrown out the window, proving
clearly that he could not care less about embarrassing anything, rather that
there is a different agenda at play – in this case perhaps as simple as just
caring of following routine or concerned of his appearance in front of his
guests.
We must be honest with ourselves and the
principles we adhere to. Are we keeping them because they are intrinsically important
to us and good for the world, or are we keeping them as facades to mask our various
personal agendas? Sometimes we hold on so tight to the moshol (parable) that we forget the
nimshal (lesson), and sometimes we
exhibit ourselves keeping principles to hide an agenda – but eventually, if it
is not stemming from an honest place, our own actions will reveal to ourselves and
to others what are true intentions are.
Earlier in the parsha, the Torah[8]
relates that on his way to Charan, Yaakov arrived at Har Hamoriah and spent the night there. He took twelve
stones and put them around his head. Rashi[9] comments
that the rocks began fighting with one another – each one wanting to be the one
that Yaakov rests his head directly on. In response, Hashem made them into one
stone. This is further hinted to in the Torah when Yaakov wakes up and the passuk[10] says,
“[He] took the stone (singular) that he had placed around his head…”
What does this mean? What were the rocks
fighting about exactly? Do rocks really care to be the one chosen to be put
under a tzaddik’s head? And why did this quarrel merit a
response from Hashem validating the rocks’ argument and answering by turning them
into one rock so that they could each participate in serving Yaakov in the best
way?
Perhaps the answer is that that is the role
of a rock in this world. The role of a rock is to serve man, and the purpose of
man is to serve Hashem. As a matter of fact, his is exactly the flow we see
from this story. The rocks fought over who will carry out their purpose in the
perfect way resulting with Hashem turning them into one rock, and afterwards
Yaakov actually took it and used it as a mizbe’ach to serve Hashem.
Indeed, everything has its place and its role in this world.
As
the American holiday of Thanksgiving approaches, we are reminded of the yearly presidential
custom to pardon a turkey. As animal activists proudly encourage and broadcast –
the turkeys did nothing wrong, why should they be killed and eaten? Again, it
is the principle itself which shows the falsehood of “keeping to principle” and
proves that there must be an agenda behind it. The president could take out
time to pardon innocent turkeys from his table but not to pardon the innocent
from jail? He could have mercy on the turkeys and watch them live on a few more
miserable years while there are starving children? So much time and money
wasted on an event which would perhaps be a nice moshol if the people
behind it cared as much for the nimshol. An animal’s job is to serve
people – or in the turkey’s case: to be served to people. In turn, man’s job is
to use the animal to serve G-d in some way whether as an offering, or even to
eat to keep us healthy and able to serve Hashem in our best ability. L’havdil
elef havdalos, it should be an honor for the turkey to be on the table of
the president, and instead it is left to die an unfulfilled life. Even the
rocks understand the chashivus of man and will argue out of desire to
serve better and be the one put under a tzaddik’s head, and yet we as
people pervert the roles of the world and grab onto selective and wrongly
applied principles in order to push our personal agendas.
As haughty as we
as people are, it is amazing how quickly we are willing to forget the boundaries
and different roles of people and animals for the sake of “equality”. However,
we should not think for a second that it is genuine care behind these movements
because if there was care to animals who are only similar to people then
we should be seeing the same efforts being put in to first help people. Rather,
like Lavan, these groups hold onto unwavering principles only to push a hidden
agenda. Whether it is a simple plan of tricking Yaakov into marrying a
different daughter, or for pushing equality rights in order to divert attention
or use as a stepping stone for pushing other social agendas, one thing is true –
just follow the person or group and if there are inconsistencies with their “unwavering
principles”, there is certain to be dishonesty and hidden agendas. No one should
be a voice for a voiceless chimpanzee until one is certain that there are no
people in a comparable situation who is need of representation and no one should
pardon turkeys and confuse the roles of the world while there are people who
could use pardoning, just as no one should embarrass a family member for not
covering the challah rolls.
When we announce
our principles or argue based on our unwavering values, we must be intellectually
honest with ourselves if we really believe in the principle we are declaring or
if we are just trying to make it fit as an accreditation for our agenda-led
actions.
May
Hashem help us understand the chashius ha’adom and where real priorities
lay, as well as help us be cognizant of the principles we hold onto dearly and
be honest with ourselves if we are truly holding onto the principle or using it
as an excuse to further a personal agenda.
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