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Thoughts on the Parsha ~
Parshas Chayei
Sarah
Test of Kindness
By: Daniel Listhaus
וְהָיָה הַנַּעֲרָה אֲשֶׁר אֹמַר אֵלֶיהָ
הַטִּי נָא כַדֵּךְ וְאֶשְׁתֶּה וְאָמְרָה שְׁתֵה וְגַם גְּמַלֶּיךָ אַשְׁקֶה
אֹתָהּ הֹכַחְתָּ לְעַבְדְּךָ לְיִצְחָק וּבָהּ אֵדַע כִּי עָשִׂיתָ חֶסֶד עִם
אֲדֹנִי
“Let it be that the
maiden to whom I shall say, 'Please tip your jug so I may drink,' and who
replies, 'Drink, and I will even water your camels,' her will You have chosen
for Your servant, for Yizchak; and may I know through her that You have done
kindness with my master.”
-Chayei Sarah 24:14
Avraham
charged his trusted servant, Eliezer, to find the perfect wife for Yitzchak.
The Torah[1]
relates that Eliezer said to Hashem that in order to find a wife for Yitzchak,
he was going to ask every woman who came to the well for a drink of water. The
one who would in return offer a drink for both him and his camels, Eliezer
would take as a wife for Yitzchak.
There
are two questions which come up when reading about this idea of Eliezer. The first
issue is one brought up by Tosfos in Chullin[2].
The Gemara[3]
says that we are not permitted to practice divination. As a matter of fact,
even a non-Jew cannot practice such conjectures. If so, how could
Eliezer say that if a woman comes out and offers water to him and his camels,
that he would take it as a sign that she is the right wife for Yitzchak? That
would be comparable to saying, “If there is less than a half a tank of gas in
my car, I will take it as a sign that Hashem does not want me to go to Shul
today.” We are not allowed to base our decisions on such meaningless events.
So, how could Eliezer choose to take a woman for Yitzchak just because she said
some catch-phrase?
The
second issue which needs to be addressed is one which is brought by the Medrash[4]
as well as the Gemara[5].
There were three[6]
people in history who asked for things in a way which was inappropriate. Two of
these people received good responses from Hashem, regardless of their improper
requests. The third, however, was not as fortunate and experienced a most
horrible consequence.
The
Gemara explains that one of these three was Eliezer, who said that the
girl who would respond, “Drink and I will even water your camels”, would be the
one he would take as a wife for Yitzchak. This was considered to be an improper
request because it left an opportunity to be open for someone to meet this
requirement, yet not be the right person for Yitzchak. Fortunately, Hashem made
Rivka be the one to come first with this response.
The
second person was Shaul[7].
During his reign, the Pelishtim came to attack under the leadership of Goliyas.
Shaul promised that whoever would kill Goliyas would receive tremendous riches
and be able to marry his daughter. Similar to Eliezer's statement, Shaul’s
promise was pretty careless. It could have been any person who potentially
might have stepped forward and manage to defeat Goliyas. Again, luckily, Hashem
sent Dovid HaMelech to be the one to fight and kill Goliyas.
The
third man, however, was not as fortunate. The Navi[8]
relates that Yiftach davened to Hashem that he should be victorious in
his battle against Ammon. Yiftach promised, “If you will indeed deliver Ammon
into my hands, then whatever comes out of my house first shall be for Hashem
and I will offer it as a sacrifice.” Unfortunately, Yiftach's luck did not
match Eliezer's or Shaul's, for the first thing to come out of his house upon
his return from a successful battle, was his daughter.
Why
was it that Eliezer and Shaul were granted positive responses, despite their
improper requests, whereas Yiftach was left in shock, faced with the
realization that, “I have opened my mouth to Hashem and now I cannot go back.”?
The
Orchos Tzadikkim[9]
writes that there are three ways in which someone could be generous: With one's
money, body, and wisdom. These three facets of this middah (trait) are
actually seen from Avraham who was the first to master them. Avraham was
someone who was constantly spending his money on other people, providing meals
and help to those in need. Avraham also put tremendous amounts of physical
effort into others, the prime example being when he involved himself in a world
war in order to save his brother-in-law. Needless to say, Avraham also spent
his entire life investing time and wisdom into his generation to educate them
about Hashem's existence and the concept of monotheism.
When
Eliezer said that he would take the first person who would offer water for him
and his camels, as a wife for Yitzchak, he was not really taking any big
chances. The S'forno[10]
writes that it is the way of one who needs someone else's help to ask for less
than he really needs; but at the same time, it is the way of the generous ba'al
chesed to then give more than what was asked. Eliezer was not looking for
some catch-phrase that as soon as some random woman would recite the magic
words, she would be taken as a wife for Yitzchak. Rather, Eliezer waited for
the person who would respond with the complete middah of nedivos (generosity);
someone who was willing to put in money, physical effort, time, and wisdom for
the sake of a complete stranger. Such a person would surely be the right woman
for Yitzchak.
During
the time of Shaul's kingship, when Goliyas and the Pelishtim started
instigating and fighting, the Jews knew that their army was no match for
Goliyas. There was no one who had the strength, nor the confidence to even
attempt to kill Goliyas. At that point, Shaul offered his daughter to anyone
who would stand up to take on Goliyas' challenge. Shaul knew that only a
tremendous yiras shamayim would feel the assurance of Hashem being at
his side. Therefore, although Shaul's promise might have been a little
imprudent, still, there was not too much risk involved because who other than the
truest ba’al yiras shamayaim would have the confidence to fight Goliyas?
Yiftach’s
story, however, was quite different. After returning from battle and hastily
swearing that the first thing out of his house will be brought as a karbon,
there was no element of chochmah in his statement that provided perfect
qualification for the ultimate karbon. It was a statement made too fast
from his emotions, and resulted in a bad ending despite stemming from a good
place and good intentions of love for Hashem and an appreciation of having the
strength to win the battle.
We
are the descendents of Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov; a family built upon chesed.
This is true to the extent that the Gemara states that anyone who does
not express the qualities of someone always looking to do chesed, is not
considered as being part of the children of Avraham. After all, our family – B’nei
Yisroel – is one synonymous with chesed to the point that Eliezer
could know for certain that one who exhibits such middos is befitting to
marry into the family of Avraham.
May Hashem
help us never forget that we are all indeed family and that the differences we
have between us are petty in the long run and not worth fighting with each
other or bearing a grudge over. With this in mind may we be zocheh to
continue our mesorah of being gomlei chasadim.
[1] Beraishis 24:14
[2] Chullin 95b. Tosfos asks the
question according to the opinion which maintains that even non-Jews are not
allowed to practice divination or superstitions. Tosfos answers that
according to this opinion, Eliezer did not actually finalize anything or give
Rivkah the jewelry until he asked, “Whose daughter are you” and she responded
that she was from Besu’el who was of the family of Avraham. On this Tosfos
asks: This is not the order that the Torah writes it in? The Torah relates that
Eliezer gave her the jewelry before asking which family she was from – implying
that indeed Eliezer used this means of divination as a deciding factor to give
her the jewelry. (This also must be the opinion of Rashi who comments
later, when Eliezer retells the story to Lavan and Besu’el, that Eliezer
switched the order of events).
[3] Sanhedrin 56b
[4] Beraishis Rabbah 60:3
[5] Ta'anis 4a
[6] The Medrash actually mentions four,
adding Kalev to the list.
[7] Shmuel Alef 17:25
[8] Shoftim 11:30-31
[9] Orchos Tzadikkim: Sha'ar HaNedivos
[10] Beraishis 24:14
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