Parshas
Vayeira
The
Theory of Relativity: Who Are You?
By:
Daniel Listhaus
וַיִּתְמַהְמָהּ
וַיַּחֲזִיקוּ
הָאֲנָשִׁים בְּיָדוֹ וּבְיַדאִשְׁתּוֹ
וּבְיַד שְׁתֵּי בְנֹתָיו בְּחֶמְלַת
הֹ'
עָלָיו
וַיֹּצִאֻהוּ וַיַּנִּחֻהוּ מִחוּץ
לָעִיר:
וַיְהִי
כְהוֹצִיאָם אֹתָם הַחוּצָה וַיֹּאמֶר
הִמָּלֵט עַלנַפְשֶׁךָ אַל תַּבִּיט
אַחֲרֶיךָ וְאַל תַּעֲמֹד בְּכָל הַכִּכָּר
הָהָרָה הִמָּלֵט פֶּן תִּסָּפֶה:
וַיֹּאמֶר
לוֹט אֲלֵהֶם אַל נָא הֹ':
הִנֵּה
נָא מָצָא עַבְדְּךָ חֵן בְּעֵינֶיךָ
וַתַּגְדֵּל חַסְדְּךָ אֲשֶׁר עָשִׂיתָ
עִמָּדִי לְהַחֲיוֹת אֶתנַפְשִׁי
וְאָנֹכִי לֹא אוּכַל לְהִמָּלֵט הָהָרָה
פֶּן תִּדְבָּקַנִי הָרָעָה וָמַתִּי:
הִנֵּה
נָא הָעִיר הַזֹּאת קְרֹבָה לָנוּס
שָׁמָּה וְהִוא מִצְעָר אִמָּלְטָה נָא
שָׁמָּה הֲלֹא מִצְעָר הִוא וּתְחִי
נַפְשִׁי:
וַיֹּאמֶר
אֵלָיו הִנֵּה נָשָׂאתִי פָנֶיךָ גַּם
לַדָּבָר הַזֶּה לְבִלְתִּי הָפְכִּי
אֶת הָעִיר אֲשֶׁר דִּבַּרְתָּ:
מַהֵר
הִמָּלֵט שָׁמָּה כִּי לֹא אוּכַל
לַעֲשׂוֹת דָּבָר עַד בֹּאֲךָ שָׁמָּה
עַל כֵּן קָרָא שֵׁם הָעִיר צוֹעַר
“And
he (Lot) delayed – so the men grasped onto his hand, onto his
wife's hand, and onto the hand of his two daughters, in Hashem's
mercy on him; and they took him out and left him outside the city.
And it was as they too them out, he [one of the “men”] said:
'Flee for your life! Do not look behind you, and do not stop anywhere
in all the plain; flee to the mountain lest you be obliterated.' Lot
said to them: ' Please, no! My Lord1
– See, now, Your servant has found grace in Your eyes and Your
kindness was great which You did with me to save my life; but I
cannot flee to the mountain lest the evil attach itself to me and I
die. Behold, please, this city is near enough to escape there and it
is small; I shall now flee there – is it not small? - and let my
soul live' And He (Hashem) replied to him: 'Behold, I have granted
you consideration for this thing, too, that I not overturn the city
about which you have spoken. Hurry, flee there, for I cannot do a
thing until you arrive there.'...”
-Vayeira
19:16-22
After
Avraham davened to Hashem to save the five cities (including Sodom)
that were to be destroyed, but was unable to find any merit for them,
the malachim
(angels)
went ahead to carry out their mission of destroying Sodom and saving
Lot.2
The quoted conversation above took place as the malachim
were
dragging Lot and his family out of a deteriorating Sodom. Lot was
instructed to run for his life to the mountain where Avraham was
living at the time.3
However, Lot's response to this was very peculiar. He essential said
to Hashem, “Thank You so much for getting me out of Sodom but I am
not interested in the second part of Your plan to have me go to
Avraham so I could live, because I think I will die there. Instead,
let me tell You which city I would like to go to and You could save
the city I choose to move into.” What in the world was Lot
thinking? How he could even have the audacity to challenge Hashem's
plan and offer a better option as if he was choosing a vacation
destination, is a question of which only Hashem could know the
answer. However, a much simpler question is that there seems to be a
very basic mis-communication here. The malachim
told
Lot to run to the mountain so that he could live. Lot then cried out
to Hashem to not make him go to the mountain because he would surely
die there. Did Lot not listen to the what the malachim
were
saying? They told him that he would be safe in the mountains. Why was
Lot so persistent on going somewhere else?
Rashi4
writes that Lot had the following line of reasoning. He figured that
while he was living among the people of Sodom, Hashem would see his
actions relative to the citizens of Sodom and therefore consider him
righteous and worthy of being saved. After all, as wicked as Lot was,
he was not as completely corrupt as the people of Sodom. However, if
he and his family were to go where Avraham was living, then Lot was
concerned that Hashem would see his deeds next to Avraham's and,
realizing how bad Lot really was, kill him.
There
are two problems with this Rashi.
First of all, there seems to be a contradiction between two Rashis.
In the aforementioned Rashi,
Rashi seems
to be saying that the reason Lot was saved in Sodom was because his
actions appeared as fairly decent when compared to those around him.
However, Rashi5
comments
just a few passukim
earlier
that the only reason that Lot was saved was because of Avraham's
merit. Which was the real reason Lot deserved to be saved? Was it
because of his own “good deeds” or only in the merit of Avraham?6
Second,
who was Lot trying to fool? Did he really think that Hashem would
consider him more righteous while living in Sodom than if he was
living next to Avraham? Why should Lot's actions be viewed one way in
one city and yet differently in another?
Perhaps
we could better appreciate this Rashi
by
trying to understand who Lot was. Lot was a faker. He spent many
years accompanying Avraham until he just could not bear the weird
rules Avraham lived by – for example, not stealing from others.7
Lot put on good enough of a show to remain in the house of Avraham
for all those years and benefit from the wealth of the tzaddik.
Yet, when it came to their separation, Lot was lured straight to the
evil city of Sodom.8
What happened to all those years of being someone worthy of staying
in the household of Avraham? It was all meaningless. Lot had no
interest in being someone of Avraham's level, he just made sure that
he was not someone who would be evicted from Avraham's house.
However, once such a costume no longer yielded any surplus benefit
over the restrictions of Avraham's house, Lot immediately sunk to the
level of Sodom.
The
truth is that a similar type of episode takes place towards the end
of this week's parsha
as
well. We know that when Avraham and Sarah realized that they were
unable to have children, Avraham married Hagar. The first time she is
introduced, the Torah9
refers to her as an Egyptian maidservant. Rashi10
tells
us that Hagar was the daughter of the Pharaoh at that time. When he
saw the miracles which Hashem performed for Sarah, he said, “Better
that my daughter be a maidservant in the house of Sarah, and not the
main wife in another household”. Yet, despite the benefits Hagar
received as being not only a member of the house of Avraham avinu,
but also his privileged wife, it did not take long for her mask to
wear out. The Torah11
tells us that soon after Yitzchok was born, Hagar and Yishmael turned
to idol worship. They did a good job staying worthy of staying in the
house of Avraham until they just could not take it anymore. Like Lot,
their disguise only lasted so long in Avraham's house. Once they
reached their breaking point, they snapped back to the bad depths
from where they came. Rashi12
summarizes
this best by saying that about this type of thing people say. “Throw
a stick into the air and it will land on its root.” In other words,
unless someone re-roots himself and becomes a different person, they
will always be tethered to their original roots. Therefore, as soon
as the stretch becomes too great to bear, the rope snaps back.
What
does this all come from, though? What was the common denominator
underlying cause by Hagar and Lot which guided them in these
decisions and directed their thought processes?
The
answer to this lies in the very Rashi
discussed
earlier. Lot invented his own Theory of Relativity. The game he
played in life was that as long as you fake being a better person
than the neighbor next door, then all will be good. This is a belief
that Lot held so firmly that when told to go back and live with
Avraham's family he was literally scared for his life. While in
Sodom, he assumed he was perceived by Hashem as a tzaddik.
However, next to Avraham, Hashem would realize how worthless he
really is and dispose of him. It never mattered to Lot that he was
someone who was not comfortable with who he was, as long as he felt
comfortable with who he was not. In Avraham's house he tried hard to
maintain the level above someone unable to remain by Avraham, and
while in Sodom he made sure to just not be as bad as his neighbor.
However, Lot was not someone who ever worked on himself to become a
better person. This is why when he left Avraham, he snapped back to
the lowly people of Sodom.
Really,
the only reason Lot was saved was indeed because of his uncle
Avraham's zechus
(merit).
Lot himself was not worthy of being saved no matter where he was on
the globe. However, this is something that Lot failed to understand.
He did not see anything special in becoming an inherently good
person, as long as he felt he was in better shape than the next, he
felt safe.
Falling
into this trap of judging things relative to others is something we
do on a daily basis. There are countless examples of bad decisions we
make because we base our decisions on alternatives instead of each
one individually, and we ourselves are emotionally swayed based on
how we feel we measure up compared together. This is what I call the
Gulliver's Travels Effect. We feel tall on an island of midgets and
consider ourselves short when residing among giants – instead of
closing our eyes to just decide how we feel independent of the
environment around us.
Dan
Ariely, a behavioral economist, writes that he once stumbled across
an ad with a choice of three different subscription options for the
Economist
magazine.
The first was an Internet only subscription for $59. The second was
an offer for an in-print only copy for the magazine for $125. The
third option was a print and Internet subscription for $125. He then
conducted two studies with his class at MIT. In one experiment he
offered the class of 100 students all three options. The statistics
were that 84% wanted the combination deal, no one wanted the
print-only deal, and 16% chose the Internet only. In this case, the
middle deal of in-print only effectively had zero value. After all,
one who wanted to purchase it for $125 might have as well opted for
the third choice and getting both Internet and in-print for the same
price. Indeed, the mentioned statistics seem to relate such a thought
process. However, Ariely then did this experiment again – this time
eliminating the middle option which no one had chosen anyway – and
the results changed dramatically: 68% chose the Internet-only option
while only 32% opted for the combination deal. People make decisions
relative to what happens to be next to the decision at that
particular time instead of thinking through each venue objectively
and independently.
This
is the Lot mentality – the belief that as long as I am better than
my friend, I am a good person. However, this is dangerously false.
Each of us is unique and has different capabilities. Therefore,
Hashem expects different things from every individual. Two people may
achieve 100% success, but 100% success for one may really only
translate as 50% for the other.
Instead,
we must adopt the mentality of Avraham avinu.
Avraham was someone who was constantly working on himself every day
of his life. The ten difficult tests that he passed with flying
colors demonstrated to the world that every person must achieve the
goals within his reach, regardless of what the next-door neighbor is
capable of attaining.
May
Hashem help us follow in the path of Avraham so that we realize who
we are and be comfortable with the heights we can achieve; while at
the same time keeping us far from the mentality of Lot who drowned in
his own Theory of Relativity and never realized who he was, just knew
who he was not.
1This
is according to Rashi's (19:18)
explanation that at this point Lot called out to Hashem (not to the
angels).
2See
Rashi (19:1). Two malachim
went – one specifically to
destroy Sodom, and the other to save Lot. The reason for both of
them, as Rashi explains,
is because each malach only
carry out one mission at a time.
3Rashi
Beraishis 19:17
4Rashi
Beraishis 19:19
5Rashi
Beraishis 19:17. Rashi
writes this as an explanation as to why Lot was not permitted to
look back and see the destruction of the Sodom. Lot was not
righteous that he deserve to be saved in his own merit, it was only
through the merit of Avraham that he was being saved. Therefore, he
had no right to see the others like him be wiped out.
6This
question is asked by the Nachalas Yaakov on
Rashi 19:19
7See
Beraishis 13:6-7 and Rashi
there.
8Beraishis
13:10
9Beraishis
16:1
10Ibid.
11Beraishis
21:9 and Beraishis 21:21 and see Rashi in
both places.
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