~ Thoughts on the Parsha ~
Parshas Ki Savo
The Secret Life of Avatar City
By: Daniel Listhaus
אָרוּר הָאִישׁ אֲשֶׁר יַעֲשֶׂה פֶסֶל
וּמַסֵּכָה תּוֹעֲבַת ה' מַעֲשֵׂה יְדֵי חָרָשׁ וְשָׂם בַּסָּתֶר וְעָנוּ כָל
הָעָם וְאָמְרוּ אָמֵן
“‘Accursed is the man
who will make a graven or molten image, an abomination of Hashem, a craftsman’s
handiwork, and emplace it in secret.’ And the entire people shall speak up and
say, ‘Amen’.”
-Ki Savo 27:15
בַּבֹּקֶר תֹּאמַר מִי יִתֵּן עֶרֶב
וּבָעֶרֶב תֹּאמַר מִי יִתֵּן בֹּקֶר מִפַּחַד לְבָבְךָ אֲשֶׁר תִּפְחָד
וּמִמַּרְאֵה עֵינֶיךָ אֲשֶׁר תִּרְאֶה
“In the morning you will say, ‘If only it were
evening!’ And in the evening you will say, ‘If only it would be morning!’ – for
the fright of your heart that you will fear and the sight of your eyes that you
will see’.”
-Ki Savo 28:67
The Torah[1]
describes that half of B’nei Yisroel, divided by shevatim (tribes)
went up on Har Gerizim and the other half went up on Har Eival.
The Kohanim and Levi’im stood in the valley in between and the Levi’im
called out each beracha (blessing) while facing Har Gerizim and
the entire B’nei Yisroel answered “amen”. Then the Levi’im turned
toward Har Eival with the corresponding k’lalah (curse)
and all of B’nei Yisroel answered “amen” to each of those as
well.[2]
The Rashbam[3]
comments that the twelve curses listed are all referring to aveiros (sins)
which one does privately. Regarding two of the twelve curses – avodah
zarrah (idol worship) and one who hits one’s friend – the Torah
specifically writes that it refers to one who does so “b’sa’ser” (in
private) because since it is just as common for one to do those things publicly
as privately, the Torah specifies that here by the curses it refers
specifically to one who does so privately.[4]
The Kli Yakar[5]
observes that indeed it is possible for a person to be living a double
life. On the outside one may give off the impression that he or she is living a
life of Torah and mitzvos while the reality could be exactly the opposite.
As a matter of fact, this was actually the case by the second Beis
Ha’makdish. When the second Beis Ha’mikdash was being destroyed
there was mass confusion. After all, there were no specific aveiros (sins)
to point to that were being done that would have caused such a catastrophe.
Not only that, but everyone seemed to be learning and keeping the Torah. Even
the malachim (angels) could not figure out why the Beis Ha’mikdash was
destroyed until the question was asked to Hashem Himself Who explained that the
beautiful learning on the outside was a façade and that the reality was that
people were learning for ulterior motives. One could live a double life and
fool everyone – the chochomim, nevi’im, malachim, and if
one gets in too deep one could even begin to fool oneself, but one cannot fool
Hashem.
The words of the Kli Yakar,
although said regarding the warnings in the Torah of living a dual life through
faking keeping Torah and mitzvos, scream loud and clear and are
certainly true in our generation with the numerous emotional conflicts people
go through and the double lives that they
lead. Nowadays, despite the tremendous liberties and technologies,
abundances and luxuries, so many people live high stress lives. Even people who
on the outside look happy and content are sometimes dealing with extreme
struggles – whether from external sources or from within themselves.
With the release of video games with
missions for players to create life simulations, researchers have found a very
strong correlation between the lives that the players actually led in real life
and that which they chose to set in such games. Correlations often existed
throughout many categories from “personality” to “home settings”. For example,
introverted people often created introverted characters, and people from
divorced homes often set or caused that setting for their characters. The same
was found true when people create gaming avatars – cartoon characters or icons
chosen by a player to use during a game. People tend to choose characters that
they feel portray themselves. Interestingly, however, there were sometimes
complete negative correlations. A kid who is quiet and well-behaved at school
may come home at night and make his characters commit horrible crimes.
Sometimes kids experiencing complete disaster and abuse at home worked hard at
making the perfect world for their characters. Research concluded an
interesting two observations from these discoveries. First, that although some
players project their current selves into their made up worlds, others project
what they want their future selves to be into their made up worlds. Second,
that sometimes a person’s present self as everyone perceives him or her, is not
necessarily an accurate assessment of the gears turning in one’s mind or the
emotions that drive him. After all, a bomb on a timer could also seem calm with
a metronomic ticking until it explodes. It turns out that creating avatars and
controlling life simulations contain identity cues. Individuals who live a
certain unwanted lifestyle in the real world may view virtual worlds, and the
avatars within them, as an opportunity to express their true selves.
This idea of so many people having a
dual identity is one far from unimaginable. Everyone has secrets. Everyone has
motives. It is virtually impossible to find someone who is 100% genuine with
absolutely nothing different on the outside from what is on the inside. If even
the great generation of pious, learned individuals during the time of the Beis
Ha’mikdash were not who they portrayed themselves as being, than certainly
now-a-days with the all the craziness that exists and the unprecedented stress
within the complex lives we live and the multi-tiered web of relationships we
maintain, there is certainly the potential for a single individual to have more
simultaneous identities than a chameleon that falls into a bag of M&M’s.
Earlier in the parsha[6]
the Torah commands, “Perform these statutes and the laws, and you shall observe
and perform them with all your heart and with all your soul”. The Rosh[7]
explains that one must not be a person who says one thing but does another.
One’s mouth – what he says and portrays himself to be on the outside – should
perfectly reflect what one is truly thinking and feeling on the inside. In the
midst of the tochacha, while describing the horrors that will come to us
if we do not follow the Torah, the passuk[8]
says, “In the morning you will say, ‘If only it would be evening!’ And in
the evening you will say, ‘If only it would be morning!’….” Whether this means
that the person wishes he was still living in the past[9]
or that he wishes that time just fast-forward to the next stage,[10]
one thing is clear: that the person will be unhappy in his present state.
Indeed, besides for on one level referring specifically to a person in the
midst of harsh punishments, on another level it is also a direct consequence of
one who has internal struggles and self contradictions. A person who displays
himself as one way on the outside but is another on the inside will find oneself
unhappy and wishing for things to go back the way they were or for the next
stage to just come.
The
Rema writes in Shulchan Aruch[11]
that the minhag (custom) for B’nei Ashkenaz (Ashkenazi Jews)
is to start saying selichos the Sunday (motzaei shabbos) prior to
Rosh Hashanah unless Rosh Hashanah falls out on a Monday
or Tuesday in which case we start reciting selichos on the motzaei
shabbos a week before the one immediately before Rosh Hashanah. The Mishna
Berura[12]
explains that we always want to have a minimum of four days of selichos before
Rosh Hashanah. The reason for
this is because regarding Rosh Hashanah the passuk says, “va’aseesem
olah” (you should make an olah) as opposed to the usual wording of “v’hekravtem
olah” (you should bring an olah). We learn from here that on Rosh
Hashanah we must make ourselves as if we are the offering. Therefore, just
as we find by karbanos that the animals required four days worth of
checking for blemishes before being ready to bring as an offering, so too we
require a minimum of four days worth of checking ourselves extra carefully
before entering Rosh Hashanah. Those of us who generally finds ourselves
saying in the morning that we wish it would be evening, and in the evening that
we wish it were morning should recognize this red-flag and specifically check
for inner struggles or self contradictions. Are we forcing ourselves to act a
certain way on the outside because of social pressures when inside we are
really different? Are we committed to doing things but feel uncomfortable with
the reasons behind them? Are we caught in a circular routine with no exit? Do
our proverbial avatar cities parallel our real ones? And even if they do, is
that the way they are supposed to look? These are the questions that we must
ask while we check ourselves during these days leading up to Rosh Hashanah.
Our words must be an accurate reflection of what we are feeling within, which
means that time must be spent thinking about what we are in fact feeling inside.
Introspection and self intellectual honesty are absolutely necessary for us to
understand what our strengths and weaknesses are as well as where we are at and
which direction we should be heading.
So
many people are living dangerous secret lives; some purposely, some
accidentally. On the surface a person could justify it as walking on egg shells
and keeping his personal desires entertained while simultaneously satisfying
the expectations of one’s family, rabbeim, and friends. However this
state of self contradiction takes a toll on the body and soul as the worst lack
of shalom (peace) and the closest to home. If a person has a fake
shalom in himself than the genuineness of any shalom that comes
from him could be questioned as well – a virtual dayo lavo min ha’din
l’heiyos k’nidon. Whether a person is frum but not a yarei
shamayim, a friend with ulterior motives for the friendship, or any of the
horrendous contradictions that people live with in-between and beyond, one must
take the time to stop and reflect where he or she is at and what needs to be
done to recalibrate.
May
Hashem help us discover the conflicts between our mouths and hearts so that we
could begin working on fixing them and prepare ourselves as true servants in
order to not only properly declare Hashem as our King on Rosh Hashanah – but
to mean it.
[1]
Devarim 27:11-14
[2]
See Rashi Devarim 27:12
[3]
Devarim 27:15. See also Chizkuni
[4]
See also Malbim who goes through these aveiros and explains what
each one is and stresses each time the fact that dealing with aveiros done
privately.
[5]
Devarim 27:12
[6]
Devarim 26:16
[7]
Ibid.
[8]
Devarim 28:67
[9]
This is how Rashi (28:67) explains based on Gemara Sotah 49a –
that in the morning the person will wish it was still the night before, and at
night he will wish that it was the previous morning.
[10]
See Rashbam 28:67 that according to the simple reading of passuk it
would seem that the person is hoping for the future just as one who is sick
longs for the end to come.
[11]
Shulchan Aruch: Orach Chaim 581:1
[12]
Shulchan Aruch: Orach Chaim 581:1:6 (in his second explanation)
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