Re-posted: Parshas Vayeitzei - Truth Be Told

~ Thoughts on the Parsha ~

Parshas Vayeitzei

Truth Be Told

By: Daniel Listhaus

וְלָבָן הָלַךְ לִגְזֹז אֶת צֹאנוֹ וַתִּגְנֹב רָחֵל אֶת הַתְּרָפִים אֲשֶׁר לְאָבִיהָ: וַיִּגְנֹב יַעֲקֹב אֶת לֵב לָבָן הָאֲרַמִּי עַל בְּלִי הִגִּיד לוֹ כִּי בֹרֵחַ הוּא

“Lavan had gone to shear his sheep, and Rachel stole the teraphim that belonged to her father. Yaakov deceived Lavan the Aramean by not telling him that he was fleeing”

-Vayeitzei 31:19-20

            In this week's parsha, we continue to follow Yaakov around and learn from his middos (traits) and qualities. We were introduced to Yaakov avinu in parshas Toldos as the “ish tam yosheiv ohalim”^[1] - the wholesome man who sat and learned Torah. Rashi^[2] further describes Yaakov as a person who was real – someone whose actions and speech purely reflected who he was. After learning these things and getting a glimpse of Yaakov's character, a few of the events in this week's parsha should come as a surprise to us.

            When Yaakov reached his destination near Charan, the Torah relates that Yaakov approached a well and saw that there was a crowd of shepherds standing around doing nothing. Yaakov approached them and said, “Look, the day is still long; it is not yet time to bring the livestock in; water the flock and go on grazing”.^[3] Rashi^[4] explains that Yaakov got upset at them and started giving them mussar (rebuke), “Look, the day is still long. If you are hired workers, then you have not yet completed the day's labor; and if the animals are yours, nonetheless, it is not yet time to bring in the livestock.”

            Who did Yaakov think he was? He was a total stranger in a foreign land. How could Yaakov feel completely comfortable approaching the shepherds and telling them that he caught them stealing? He seemingly walked brazenly right up to them and told them that if they are paid workers, then, by doing nothing, they are stealing from their employers; and that even if the animals are theirs, they are still no better because they are wasting time – stealing from themselves. Why did Yaakov think that it was his business to tell the shepherds that they were no better than thieves?

            Later in the parsha, the Torah relates an additional two episodes during which Yaakov seems to lose his temper. During his stay in Charan, Yaakov lived in Lavan's house. His stay by his uncle was anything but pleasant. Lavan was a selfish trickster with ulterior motives for everything he said and did. After being tricked into marrying Leah and being deceived many times over his wages, Hashem came to Yaakov and told him to return to Yitzchak's house. In response to this, Yaakov called to his wives and started ranting:

“I have noticed your father's disposition is not toward me as in earlier days; but the G-d of my father was with me. Now you have known that with all my might I worked for your father, yet your father mocked me and changed my wage ten countings; but G-d did not permit him to harm me. If he would say, 'Speckled one shall be your wages', then the entire flock bore speckled ones; and if he would say, 'Ringed ones shall be your wages', then the entire flock bore ringed ones. Thus G-d took away your father's livestock, and gave them to me. It happened at the mating time of the flock that I raised my eyes and saw in a dream – Behold! The he-goats that mounted the flock were ringed, speckled, and striped. And an angel of G-d said to me in a dream, 'Yaakov!' And I said, 'Here I am.' And he said, 'Raise your eyes, if you please, and see that all the he-goats mounting the flocks are ringed, speckled, and striped, for I have seen all that Lavan is doing to you. I am G-d of Beis-Keil where you anointed a pillar, where you vowed a vow to Me. Now – arise, leave this land and return to the land of your birth.'”[5]

            What set Yaakov off to give this whole speech to Rachel and Leah? Was Yaakov complaining? What purpose was he accomplishing? Let Yaakov just tell them to pack their bags because Hashem told him to go back home. Why did Yaakov need to give his own personal reason to leave, that he was fed up with Lavan's dishonesty?

            There is yet another time when Yaakov seems to lose his cool. Yaakov and his family had already been running away for a week when Lavan caught up to them. After yelling at Yaakov for running away, Lavan accused him of stealing his idols. Yaakov patiently let Lavan check through all of their belongings for his idols. When Lavan finished rummaging through everything and did not find the idols, Yaakov became furious at Lavan. Once again, Yaakov pulled out his speech and starts screaming at Lavan:

“What is my transgression? What is my sin, that you have pursued me? When you rummaged through all my things, what did you find of all your household objects? Set it here before my brethren and your brethren, and let them decide between the two of us. These twenty years I have been with you. Your ewes and she-goats did not miscarry, nor did I eat the rams of your flock. That which was mangled I never brought to you – I would bear the loss, from my hand you would exact it, stolen by day or stolen by night. This is how I was: By day heat consumed me, and snow by night; my sleep drifted from my eyes. This is for me twenty years in your household: I worked for you fourteen years for your two daughters, and six years for your flocks; and you changed my wage ten countings. Had not the G-d of my father – the G-d of Avraham and the Dread of Yitzchak – been with me, you would surely have now sent me away empty handed. G-d saw my wretchedness and the toil of my hands....”[6]

            Here again, Yaakov seems to get all emotional and angry, pointing out Lavan's faults, this time to his face. Why did Yaakov think it was necessary to do so? Why not just keep quiet? Let Lavan have his fun poking around the tents and then everyone will just peacefully be able to continue on their own ways?

            Once we understand who Yaakov was, then we will realize that these three events were not cases of Yaakov losing control of his temper and acting out of character. Rather, Yaakov's response during these events represented a true reflection of Yaakov's persona and was very much a part of his character. Yaakov symbolized emes (truth). He could not tolerate any resemblance of sheker (falsehood). When Yaakov came and saw that the shepherds were either stealing payment from their employers or wasting their own time, he could not just stand by and watch. Similarly, his time spent with Lavan might have seemed normal to others, but Yaakov recognized the lifestyle dependent on sheker. Again, Yaakov could not just let Lavan continue on his merry way. As a representative of emes, it was Yaakov's job to bring emes into the world and point out any and all sheker. Therefore, it was indeed Yaakov's task to give mussar to the shepherds as well as to point out to his wives, and even Lavan himself, the sheker revolving around Lavan's life.

Now that we have a better understanding of Yaakov avinu, there is a difficulty that must be dealt with. As aforementioned, Yaakov and his family ran away from Lavan's house. The Torah describes that after Lavan caught up to them and accused Yaakov of stealing his idols, Yaakov confidently cursed, “With whomever you find your gods, he shall not live...”[7] Of course, however, as the Torah continues, “And Yaakov did not know that Rachel had stolen them”.[8] Why is it, though, that Yaakov did not take this into consideration? Lavan had just come to hunt them down because he had reason to believe that someone in Yaakov's family had taken his gods. Obviously Lavan thought it was a reasonable accusation to make, so what could make Yaakov so sure that indeed no one in his family had taken them? Did it not enter Yaakov's mind that perhaps his wife had taken the idols to stop her father from doing avodah zarah (idol worship)? Certainly someone as calculated and clear-minded as Yaakov could not overlook such a possibility. So, why was he so confident to the point that he cursed whoever had taken them?

            Perhaps, we could explain this as well based on our understanding of Yaakov. Yaakov avinu, being a representative of emes, understood that upholding emes demands acting aggressively when it comes to fighting sheker. Just as Yaakov considered it his duty to approach the shepherds at the well and just as he was quick to give his two cents to Lavan to let him know precisely what he did wrong,  so too Yaakov knew that if someone in his family had taken the avodah zarrah to prevent Lavan from continuing, it would not have been done secretly. Instead, it would have been taken care of the way his grandfather, Avraham, would have dealt with it: make a complete mockery[9] and destroy them.[10]

Perhaps this is why when Lavan came and accused Yaakov of stealing his gods, Yaakov felt confident that it was no one from his family. He probably thought something along the lines of, “Hmm, destroying his avodah zarah would have been a nice thing to do, but, oh well, too late. It could not have been anyone from my household that took it, because certainly no one would take them to worship, so the only reason to take them would be to try to stop Lavan from continuing; and that cannot be because if that were the case then they would have, and should have, made a whole big stink about it. The sheker should have been confronted – grabbed and destroyed in front of his face.” Someone on the level of Yaakov avinu who took the responsibility of bringing kiddush Hashem into the world rightfully expected those fighting for the emes to do so in the way he was taught. From the fact that such a situation did not occur, Yaakov was sure that no one from his family had taken the idols.

            However, as we know, someone of Yaakov's house did in fact steal the idols – Yaakov's wife, Rachel. Unfortunately, as Rashi[11] tells us, it was indeed Yaakov's curse which caused Rachel to die on the road. What went wrong? If Yaakov's logic was correct, then it was indeed not probable that Rachel took the idols. After all, as Yaakov assumed, if she had taken them then she should have made a raucous about it. Yet, she did steal them and did so without making a whole scene about it. Where was Yaakov's error in calculation, which ultimately caused him to unknowingly curse his wife?

            In order to understand this, let us focus on the small time frame from when Rachel stole the teraphim (Lavan's idols) to, just minutes later, their great escape. The passuk[12] states, “...and Rachel stole the teraphim that belonged to her father.” Rashi[13] explains that Rachel did so because she intended to separate Lavan from idolatry. The difficulty with this is why did she wait so long? She had been with Yaakov living there for many years already. Why did Rachel suddenly wake up and decide to stop her father from worshiping idols, only minutes before she was to leave forever? Why did she not try to stop him from worshipping avodah zarrah years before?

            In parshas Chayei Sarah, the Torah describes that when Eliezer, the servant of Avraham, came to Lavan's father's house to find a wife for Yitzchak, Lavan came running out to meet him. He said to Eliezer, “Why should you stand outside when I have cleared the house...?”[14] Rashi[15] comments that Lavan was hinting to Eliezer that he had cleared the house of idols. Lavan was evidently smart enough to realize that someone from the house of Avraham would not want anything to do with a house full of idols. Knowing this about Lavan’s personality, it is safe to assume that when Yaakov came to Lavan's house, Lavan once again cleared his idols from sight. While Yaakov was living in Lavan's house, Lavan suppressed his temptation to serve idols. Perhaps this is why Rachel never felt the need to approach Lavan during all the years Yaakov was living with them, because he indeed had his idols temporarily out of service.

However, Rachel knew that as soon as Lavan would realize that Yaakov and his family left, the first thing he would do would be to dust off his idols and start worshipping them once again. Therefore, it was only at the last second that it was necessary to dispose of Lavan's idols. Before then, Lavan had them stored away because he did not want to take them out in the presence of Yaakov.[16] 

            This might explain why Rachel waited so long to confiscate Lavan's idols. However, still, why was it that she did not make a public scene of it as Yaakov would have expected?

            There is an extremely intriguing passuk (verse) that the Torah uses to describe Yaakov's escape: “And Yaakov deceived Lavan the Aramean by not telling him that he was fleeing”.[17] There are two elements in this passuk which are quite difficult to understand. First, it is extremely bothersome that the Torah calls Yaakov a deceiver[18]. Second, the passuk seems to take Yaakov to task for not telling Lavan that he was running away. This makes no sense. If the Torah would be upset at Yaakov for fleeing, we might understand. However, the Torah is not blaming Yaakov for running away, instead the Torah is troubled over the fact that Yaakov ran away without letting Lavan know. What kind of accusation is this? If Yaakov did the right thing by running away, then, by definition, he did the right thing by not telling Lavan. It is impossible to secretly run away from someone if you tell him when you are leaving!

            The Ohr HaChayim[19] comes to address these issues and explains as follows. After Yaakov had amassed wealth as a successful shepherd and had a family of eleven of the twelve shevatim, he asked Lavan, “Give me my wives and my children for whom I have worked for you, and I will go.”[20] Rashi[21] there says that Yaakov told Lavan that he did not want to leave without first asking permission. Yaakov said this to trick Lavan into thinking that he would ask before leaving. This would give Yaakov the opportunity to leave whenever he wanted, steering clear out of Lavan's way – who was expecting to be asked permission first. For this, the Torah calls Yaakov a deceiver.

            Yaakov had many good reasons to run away from Lavan's house, and Hashem agreed to his calculations. As a matter of fact, Hashem Himself actually told him to go back to Yitzchak and Rivkah. However, to go so far as to first tell Lavan that he would never think of leaving without asking permission, was a little too much. Being on the incredibly high level that Yaakov was on, he should not have transgressed even on this slight form of geneivas da'as (deception) from Lavan. Yaakov was expected to just run away, without playing mind games with Lavan first. The tremendous level of greatness that Yaakov had achieved came with the responsibility of being extra careful and judged k'chut ha'sa'arah[22].

            Had Yaakov not asked the “fake permission” that time from Lavan then Rachel could have said to Lavan, “At some point we are going to run away. This is obvious and you have probably considered this already. When we do so, I know that you will go right back to serving your avodah zarah.” Then, Rachel could have given him a whole speech and gotten rid of the avodah zarah right then and there. However, because Yaakov first told Lavan that he would ask before leaving, Rachel was stuck. If they were not going to leave anyway until Lavan's say-so, then it made sense for her to wait until Lavan granted them permission in order rebuke him and take the idols. To do so before hand would have been unreasonable because Lavan was not worshiping the idols while they were still living in his house. Therefore, had Rachel in fact given Lavan the avodah zarah mussar shmooze, then it would be a dead give-away that they were planning on escaping, and that Yaakov had tricked him. It comes out that it was because of the slight untruth that Yaakov told Lavan originally, that Rachel was forced to play along.

            Perhaps this slight mistake was what ultimately caused Yaakov to miscalculate when it came to cursing the one who stole the teraphim (idols). When Rachel went to take the teraphim she could not make a whole scene of it because she had to play along with the delusion that Yaakov had fed to Lavan. Had she given Lavan a whole speech while taking the idols, Lavan would have suspected that Yaakov had tricked him and that he had been planning all along on leaving without asking permission.

            Although Yaakov did not necessarily do anything wrong by originally tricking Lavan, by doing so he ended up miscalculating. He figured that had anyone of his household taken the idols, they would have made it into a whole mussar shmuz. However, the fact that he failed to consider was that because of his tricking Lavan, the rest of his logic became flawed. All it took was this minor entry of trickery into Yaakov's head that resulted in such a grave outcome.

            Yaakov was the one who was picked by Hashem to be the one to bring emes into the world and fight the sheker of Eisav and Lavan. Yaakov took this responsibility to heart and did in fact uplift the world by being someone who people looked at and realized what emes is[23]. However this came with a tremendous responsibility and when Yaakov fed Lavan with his slight piece of untruthful information, it back-fired and flawed his own logic-flow, ultimately causing him to unknowingly curse his wife.

            Although we are far from the tremendous levels of kedusha and middos tovos of the avos, we could learn from Yaakov what it means to be someone who fully represents emes, and at the same time recognize that slight untruths are sheker; and although because of his level it backfired harshly on Yaakov, we could hopefully see for ourselves how pure the middah of emes must be kept and what it means to really stay away from sheker. May Hashem help us achieve the highest levels of emes and help us stay away from sheker so we could understand His ways and become closer to Hashem.

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[1]    Beraishis 25:27

[2]    Ibid.

[3]    Beraishis 29:7

[4]    Rashi Ibid.

[5]    Beraishis 31:4-13

[6]    Beraishis 31:36-42

[7]    Beraishis 31:32

[8]    Ibid.

[9]     The Medrash relates that when old men came to purchase idols at the shop, Avraham would make fun that they – 60 and 70 year olds – were dumb enough to worship something man-made less than a week ago. When a person came in saying he wanted to purchase an idol that he could feed, Avraham smashed all their heads and gave the ax to the biggest one and mocked how they were all “fighting over the food”.

[10]  See Kli Yakar 27:1 who writes that the Torah says that Yitzchak became blind and Rashi explains that the cause of this was the smoke from the wives of Eisav who would offer incense to avodah zarah. The Kli Yakar asks that how could it be that Yitzchak and Rivkah tolerated avodah zarah? They came from the household of Avraham and would have been expected to protest the avodah zarah as Avraham used to do? According to this, it is safe to assume that the Kli Yakar would expect no less from Yaakov and Rachel.

[11]  Rashi Ibid.

[12]  Beraishis 31:19

[13]  Rashi Ibid.

[14]  Beraishis 24:31

[15]  Rashi Ibid.

[16]  One could ask that perhaps only in Eliezer's case did Lavan care enough to hide his idols, because he was interested in making a good impression on Eliezer who had come with a lot of money. Yaakov, however, came being dirt poor after being robbed by Eliphaz. Even considering this, I would still argue that Lavan still wanted to make a good impression on Yaakov because he knew that his family was wealthy, even if Yaakov was mugged on the way.

[17]  Beraishis 31:20

[18]  The passuk actually uses a word with the root of ganav – that Yaakov “stole the heart of Lavan”.

[19]  Beraishis 31:20

[20]  Beraishis 30:26

[21]  Rashi Ibid.

[22]  Literally: like a strand of hair. Meaning, Hashem is very strict and scrutinizes every detail because of the higher expectation.

[23]  Yaakov had a tremendous influence on places, even by just being there. This could be seen from the first passuk in this week's parsha (28:10), which says, “And Yaakov departed from Be'er-Sheva and went to Charan”. Rashi there explains that the passuk mentions this to teach that when a tzaddik departs from or arrives to a city, there is an impression that is felt.

Parshas Vayeitzei - Considerable Consideration: Pareidolia and The Way of a Tzaddik

~ Thoughts on the Parsha ~

Parshas Vayeitzei

Considerable Consideration:

Pareidolia and The Way of a Tzaddik

By: Daniel Listhaus

וַיֹּאמֶר לָהֶם יַעֲקֹב אַחַי מֵאַיִן אַתֶּם וַיֹּאמְרוּ מֵחָרָן אֲנָחְנוּ: וַיֹּאמֶר לָהֶם הַיְדַעְתֶּם אֶת לָבָן בֶּן נָחוֹר וַיֹּאמְרוּ יָדָעְנוּ: וַיֹּאמֶר לָהֶם הֲשָׁלוֹם לוֹ וַיֹּאמְרוּ שָׁלוֹם וְהִנֵּה רָחֵל בִּתּוֹ בָּאָה עִם הַצֹּאן: וַיֹּאמֶר הֵן עוֹד הַיּוֹם גָּדוֹל לֹא עֵת הֵאָסֵף הַמִּקְנֶה הַשְׁקוּ הַצֹּאן וּלְכוּ רְעוּ

“Yaakov said to them, 'My brothers, where are you from?' And they said, 'We are from Charan.' He said to them, 'Do you know Lavan the son of Nachor?' And they said, 'We know.' Then he said to them, 'Is it well with him?' They said, 'It is well; and see – his daughter Rachel is coming with the flock!'”

-Vayeitzei 29:4-7

            The Torah describes that Yaakov found himself by a well in a field. At that well, Yaakov saw three flocks of sheep alongside their shepherds, who were just hanging around seemingly wasting their time. Yaakov approached them and asked where they were from. When they responded they were from Charan, he asked if they knew Lavan and if everything was well by him. They confirmed that indeed Lavan was doing well, and they proceeded to point out that Lavan's daughter, Rachel, happened to have been coming to the well at that very moment. The passuk (verse) continues to state that Yaakov then asked them why they were just sitting around and not watering their flocks. They answered that as much as they wanted to, they could not, because there was a large stone blocking the well which they were unable to roll off until the other shepherds would come with their flocks, and only together would the stone be able to be removed. The passuk then continues that while Yaakov was still speaking to the shepherds, Rachel had come and when Yaakov saw her, he immediately stepped forward and rolled the stone off in order for Rachel to be able to water her father's sheep.

            There are a few interesting things about this event and a couple of lessons to take to heart. After all, the purpose of the Torah is not to relate history or to be a storybook but rather to teach us good middos (character traits) and mitzvos. Clearly the Torah details the conversation between Yaakov avinu and the shepherds in order for us to learn how to act properly.

            The S'forno^[1] writes that in Yaakov's mind it was extremely important for him to know how Lavan was doing before just showing up at his front door. After all, it is not proper for a guest to come unannounced to someone's house without at least knowing what is going on there. Perhaps the host is in the middle of a simcha (happy occasion) or some other event, whether good or bad, that may be preoccupying his mind. If that were to be the case it would not be nice for a guest to barge in and steal the spotlight or divert the host's attention.

            The problem with this is that the S'forno does not seem to be taking Yaakov's situation into account. Keep in mind, Yaakov was not going to his uncle Lavan's house for a shabbaton (weekend retreat) or family vacation; he was running away from his brother who had threatened to murder him. Additionally, as if Yaakov's life was not difficult enough, he bumped into his nephew, Eliphaz, Eisav's son, along the way who robbed him of everything he had.^[2] Yaakov desperately needed a place to stay, food to eat, work to make money, and a wife to marry. Would it be so unreasonable for Yaakov to show up at Lavan's door with just the shirt on his back and ask for a place to stay? Was it really necessary for him to stop to ask about Lavan's well being before seeing him?

            As mentioned above, when the Torah finishes the dialogue between Yaakov and the shepherds and mentions that Rachel came to the well, the Torah testifies that it was only at that moment that Yaakov chose to remove the large rock from on top of the well – a feat that even the three shepherds could not accomplish.^[3] The S'forno^[4] is bothered at this point with the following. If indeed Yaakov had the strength to move the stone off the well, then why did he wait for Rachel to come before he rolled it off? Why did he not do so originally to help out the three shepherds who were there with their flocks?            

            The S'forno therefore comments that it must be that Yaakov did not want to roll the stone off the well for the three shepherds. When Yaakov asked the shepherds why they were just sitting around, they responded that they needed to wait for the other shepherds to come in order to roll the stone off together. Therefore, Yaakov did not want to roll the stone off for them because he was concerned that if he would do so, the shepherds would water their flock and leave instead of waiting around to help out the other shepherds they were originally waiting for. Clearly Yaakov avinu was not merely listening attentively to the words the shepherds were telling him, but was even in-tuned to how his actions would affect those who were not even present.

            This S'forno too is difficult to understand. Why did Yaakov have to involve himself so intricately into the business of the shepherds?  He chanced upon a situation which called for his simple help, yet he went above and beyond. Yaakov took into account all the details and information thinking about even those who he had never met and would never meet. Imagine if Yaakov would have rolled the stone off and indeed the three shepherds would have watered their own flock and then left before the others came. Would it have been the end of the world? The other shepherds would have probably been confused how the stone was removed from the well, but other than that they would have just watered their own flocks by themselves. Yet Yaakov did not want to roll of the stone because usually the shepherds would have all helped each other, so he did not want to be a cause of taking away the extra help that the other shepherds were used to getting. Only when the curve-ball was pitched and Rachel entered the equation did Yaakov have to re-calculate and decide that, for Rachel, the right thing to do would be to remove the rock. However, was it really necessary for Yaakov to care so much to make personal calculations how his actions would affect every single person? Once again, he had much more important things to worry about than the feelings and effort of people he never met. He was running away from Eisav with absolutely nothing to his name. Why did Yaakov go the extra mile to what seems like an extreme care of others at this particular point?

            There is a fascinating phenomenon, which seems to be programmed into every individual, called pareidolia. Although the concept is broad, there is one facet of it which almost every person could relate to. Namely, the ability of people to recognizes faces in many objects. For example, take a look at the electric outlet in your wall, you will see two gasping 'uh-oh' faces staring back at you. Look at the front of any car and you could determine its imaginary character by the way its headlights, hood, and bumper are shaped and sized. Whether it be food arranged on a plate, holes in a tree, or windows on a house, people tend to see faces in common objects all over the place. Yet, as much fun we have pointing out these imaginary faces and putting our own comments in like, “look at that angry oriental-man-car zooming down the street” or “that house looks quite tired with its eyes half closed (shades down halfway on the upstairs windows)”, we tend to often ignore the feelings and story behind real faces. Despite global warming, there is a certain coldness and aloofness which is taking over the world. Friends are for Facebook and emotions go no further than an emoticon in a text message. Everything is virtual, everything is fake. Rarely is someone laughing when they write LOL and rarely does one really care about what one of his Facebook friends is doing, except out of jealousy or to make sure to do something cooler and better. There is no question that it is becoming increasingly uncommon to find a person who genuinely cares about how others are doing.

            Yaakov avinu, on the other hand represents exactly the opposite. Despite the fact that he was being hunted by his brother and trying to move to the next stage of his life, Yaakov still paid a tremendous amount of attention to even the little details when it came to caring for others; his asking about Lavan's well-being before barging in, and his being able to stand in the shoes of people he never met in order to determine how his potential actions would affect them, were things that were so important to Yaakov that even his hard situation would not stop him from behaving in ways he deemed as sub-human. It would have been so easy to throw in the towel and feel that he had a right to knock on Lavan's door and ask to stay there. It would have been fine to not go so far as to worry about the possible extra effort that the shepherds who were coming later might have to exert. However that was not Yaakov. Yaakov is our role model as one of our avos, and demonstrated how we, as people who were created b'tzelem Elokim, are expected to act towards others.

            May Hashem help us recognize Yaakov avinu as our role model and in turn allow us to mend the three legs that the world stands on - Torah, avodah, and gamillas chasadim (kindness),^[5] and push away the three things which are currently destroying it – kinnah (jealousy), taivah (lust), and kavod (honor).^[6]

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[1]    S'forno Beraishis 29:6

[2]    See Rashi Beraishis 29:11. Eliphaz was really coming on Eisav's orders to kill Yaakov. However, Eliphaz found himself in a conflict because on the one hand Eliphaz loved Yaakov, but on the other hand, he felt he had to carry out his father's wishes. So, they “compromised” and Eliphaz robbed Yaakov of everything because someone with no possessions is considered to be dead.

[3]    See Rabbeinu Bachayei 29:10 who writes that Yaakov was so strong that even though he was exhausted from traveling, he was able to lift the stone off the well, while three shepherds who evidently had not even started their day's work yet, were not able to budge it.

[4]    S'forno Beraishis 29:10

[5]    See Avos 1:2

[6]    See Avos 4:28

Parshas Vayeitzei - Mirror Mirror on the Wall: Look Within or Be Without

~ Thoughts on the Parsha ~

Parshas Vayeitzei

Mirror Mirror on the Wall: Look Within or Be Without

By: Daniel Listhaus

וַתֵּרֶא רָחֵל כִּי לֹא יָלְדָה לְיַעֲקֹב וַתְּקַנֵּא רָחֵל בַּאֲחֹתָהּ וַתֹּאמֶר אֶל יַעֲקֹב הָבָה לִּי בָנִים וְאִם אַיִן מֵתָה אָנֹכִי: וַיִּחַר אַף יַעֲקֹב בְּרָחֵל וַיֹּאמֶר הֲתַחַת אֱלֹקים אָנֹכִי אֲשֶׁר מָנַע מִמֵּךְ פְּרִי בָטֶן: וַתֹּאמֶר הִנֵּה אֲמָתִי בִלְהָה בֹּא אֵלֶיהָ וְתֵלֵד עַל בִּרְכַּי וְאִבָּנֶה גַם אָנֹכִי מִמֶּנָּה

“Rachel saw that she had not borne children to Yaakov, and Rachel became envious of her sister she said to Yaakov, 'Give me children - if not I am dead.' Yaakov's anger flared up at Rachel, and he said, 'Am I instead of G-d Who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?' She said, 'Here is my maid Bilhah, come to her, that she may bear upon my knees and I too will be built up through her.'”

-Vayeitzei 30:1-3

            It is hard to imagine the emotional distress that Rachel was going through during the early years of her marriage. First, her brother, Lavan, tricked Yaakov and gave him Leah as a wife when he was really supposed to marry Rachel. Not long after they got married, Leah gave birth to four children, one right after the other^[1], while Rachel remained barren. Following this, Bilhah and Zilpah, the maidservants of Rachel and Leah, respectively, married Yaakov and had two children each. After all this Leah had an additional two children, leaving Rachel with the possibility of having a maximum of only two children.

           

            In the midst of all this, Rachel turned to Yaakov and started to blame him for her inability to have children. Rashi^[2] writes that Rachel approached Yaakov and said, “Give me children. Is this the way your father [Yitzchak] acted toward your mother [Rivkah]? Did he not pray for her?” Rachel challenged Yaakov that he was not davening (praying) for her and it was therefore his fault that she had no children. Rashi continues that Yaakov responded, “Am I in the place of Hashem? You say that I should act like my father and daven for you. However, I am not like my father. My father did not have sons, and I do have sons. Hashem has withheld children from you and not from me.”

            This Rashi is hard to understand. Rachel was clearly upset and felt that Yaakov was not davening hard enough, so why did Yaakov respond so harshly?  Furthermore, it is implied from an earlier Rashi^[3] that Rachel was someone who worked extremely hard on perfecting her middos (character traits). Even though the Torah says that Rachel was jealous of Leah, Rashi is quick to explain that this jealousy was the good type of jealousy – one who is jealous of someone else's good deeds and uses that force as a drive of motivation to became better oneself. As Rashi writes, Rachel said to herself, “Were she not more righteous than I, she would not have been worthy of bearing sons.”

           

            If so, that there was no real flaw in Rachel which could be the cause of her not being able to have children, why did Yaakov feel comfortable shifting the blame back onto Rachel anymore than accepting the responsibility himself?

            The Kli Yakar^[4] explains that Yaakov was teaching an extremely valuable lesson here. Yaakov told Rachel that someone who has worked on oneself and perfected his middos is sure to have his tefillos (prayers) answered. This makes sense. After all, one who works on himself to achieve da'as elyon and seek ratzon Hashem would only ask for things which he feels he needs, and recite tefillos which he is confident Hashem would answer positively. On the other hand, one who has not achieved this level will find a blockage in the communication line between him and Hashem. Such a person could not expect that all his tefillos will automatically be answered.

            At this point, Hashem had granted Yaakov a beautiful family with many children. When Rachel came to blame Yaakov for not davening enough, he told her to simply revisit the facts. Hashem had not refrained from giving children to Yaakov, it was only Rachel specifically who was not answered. Yaakov therefore explained that there must be some imperfection in Rachel which was stopping Hashem from answering her tefillos. The Kli Yakar continues and writes that Rachel took these words to heart and looked within herself to search for some aveirah (sin) or imperfection which may have existed in her, and thereby causing the hindrance in communication between her and Hashem. Indeed, Rachel searched and realized that she had been jealous of her sister. She attributed this as the reason why Hashem was not answering her tefillos. Immediately she did teshuva (repentance) and gave her maidservant to be as a wife to Yaakov, in order to demonstrate that she had now fully removed the bad middah of kinnah (jealousy) from within her. She had now achieved the level of not getting jealous even though her maidservant was married to the same husband as she and had children before her. In this zechus (merit) of conquering her middah of kinnah, Rachel davened again as a new person that Hashem finally answer her tefillos.

            The problem with this Kli Yakar is that Rashi already told us that Rachel's jealousy was only for good reasons, as she herself declared as a means of self-motivation, “Were she [Leah] not more righteous than I, she would not have been worthy of bearing sons.” How could the Kli Yakar say that it was this exact middah of kinnah which Rachel discovered as the cause for her suffering?

            It must be that the Kli Yakar is teaching us that despite the fact that Rachel originally thought that her jealousy of Leah was purely good and a motivation to achieve higher levels, after some introspection, Rachel realized that perhaps in that jealousy was a small degree of real jealousy of her sister.

            This is a tremendous lesson that Yaakov is teaching us in his conversation with Rachel. Oftentimes, we are very quick to put the blame on others. We assume, without thinking, that our actions and intentions are pure. Sometimes we are not even trying to fool ourselves. We may really feel at the time that we are doing what we are for only the best reasons. This is a tremendous mistake, however, and such a person will never attain greater heights. One must always be willing to find imperfection in himself by revisiting what he did, said, and thought at the end of each day.^[5] If one is unwilling to admit to the possibility that his middos are imperfect, then one will always blame, and constantly find fault in, other people. Instead, what we must do is take a step back and pretend that we are a mirror on the wall and reflect on our own actions and re-judge them objectively after the event. This is the only way to honestly determine the real nature of what we do and what could be done to make them better.

           

            When Yaakov responded to Rachel he was telling her to take a step back and think about what she was saying. It was clear that the impediment was on her end because Yaakov already had children of his own. Rachel took his words to heart and looked within herself to determine why Hashem was not answering her tefillos. We must follow in Rachel's footsteps and feel comfortable to reviewing our own actions and replay our day as a mirror on the wall watching every move. One who does not spend the time to look within oneself, will surely end up without a way of working on himself and achieving greater heights.

            May Hashem help us be able to review our actions objectively in order that we could pinpoint our flaws and work to perfect our middos.

---

[1]    Reuvein, Shimon, Levi, and Yehuda. Being that Yaakov had four wives and it was known that he was to have twelve children, the wives figured that each would have three children. When Leah had her fourth child, she named him Yehuda because she was thankful that Hashem gave her more than “her fair share”. (See Rashi 29:35)

[2]    Beraishis 30:1

[3]    Ibid.

[4]    Beraishis 30:2

[5]    See Igeres Haramban.

Parshas Vayeitzei - Truth Be Told

~ Thoughts on the Parsha ~

Parshas Vayeitzei

Truth Be Told

By: Daniel Listhaus

וְלָבָן הָלַךְ לִגְזֹז אֶת צֹאנוֹ וַתִּגְנֹב רָחֵל אֶת הַתְּרָפִים אֲשֶׁר לְאָבִיהָ: וַיִּגְנֹב יַעֲקֹב אֶת לֵב לָבָן הָאֲרַמִּי עַל בְּלִי הִגִּיד לוֹ כִּי בֹרֵחַ הוּא

“Lavan had gone to shear his sheep, and Rachel stole the teraphim that belonged to her father. Yaakov deceived Lavan the Aramean by not telling him that he was fleeing”

-Vayeitzei 31:19-20

            In this week's parsha, we continue to follow Yaakov around and learn from his middos (traits) and qualities. We were introduced to Yaakov avinu in parshas Toldos as the “ish tam yosheiv ohalim”^[1] - the wholesome man who sat and learned Torah. Rashi^[2] further describes Yaakov as a person who was real – someone whose actions and speech purely reflected who he was. After learning these things and getting a glimpse of Yaakov's character, a few of the events in this week's parsha should come as a surprise to us.

            When Yaakov reached his destination near Charan, the Torah relates that Yaakov approached a well and saw that there was a crowd of shepherds standing around doing nothing. Yaakov approached them and said, “Look, the day is still long; it is not yet time to bring the livestock in; water the flock and go on grazing”.^[3] Rashi^[4] explains that Yaakov got upset at them and started giving them mussar (rebuke), “Look, the day is still long. If you are hired workers, then you have not yet completed the day's labor; and if the animals are yours, nonetheless, it is not yet time to bring in the livestock.”

            Who did Yaakov think he was? He was a total stranger in a foreign land. How could Yaakov feel completely comfortable approaching the shepherds and telling them that he caught them stealing? He seemingly walked brazenly right up to them and told them that if they are paid workers, then, by doing nothing, they are stealing from their employers; and that even if the animals are theirs, they are still no better because they are wasting time – stealing from themselves. Why did Yaakov think that it was his business to tell the shepherds that they were no better than thieves?

            Later in the parsha, the Torah relates an additional two episodes during which Yaakov seems to lose his temper. During his stay in Charan, Yaakov lived in Lavan's house. His stay by his uncle was anything but pleasant. Lavan was a selfish trickster with ulterior motives for everything he said and did. After being tricked into marrying Leah and being deceived many times over his wages, Hashem came to Yaakov and told him to return to Yitzchak's house. In response to this, Yaakov called to his wives and started ranting:

“I have noticed your father's disposition is not toward me as in earlier days; but the G-d of my father was with me. Now you have known that with all my might I worked for your father, yet your father mocked me and changed my wage ten countings; but G-d did not permit him to harm me. If he would say, 'Speckled one shall be your wages', then the entire flock bore speckled ones; and if he would say, 'Ringed ones shall be your wages', then the entire flock bore ringed ones. Thus G-d took away your father's livestock, and gave them to me. It happened at the mating time of the flock that I raised my eyes and saw in a dream – Behold! The he-goats that mounted the flock were ringed, speckled, and striped. And an angel of G-d said to me in a dream, 'Yaakov!' And I said, 'Here I am.' And he said, 'Raise your eyes, if you please, and see that all the he-goats mounting the flocks are ringed, speckled, and striped, for I have seen all that Lavan is doing to you. I am G-d of Beis-Keil where you anointed a pillar, where you vowed a vow to Me. Now – arise, leave this land and return to the land of your birth.'”[5]

            What set Yaakov off to give this whole speech to Rachel and Leah? Was Yaakov complaining? What purpose was he accomplishing? Let Yaakov just tell them to pack their bags because Hashem told him to go back home. Why did Yaakov need to give his own personal reason to leave, that he was fed up with Lavan's dishonesty?

            There is yet another time when Yaakov seems to lose his cool. Yaakov and his family had already been running away for a week when Lavan caught up to them. After yelling at Yaakov for running away, Lavan accused him of stealing his idols. Yaakov patiently let Lavan check through all of their belongings for his idols. When Lavan finished rummaging through everything and did not find the idols, Yaakov became furious at Lavan. Once again, Yaakov pulled out his speech and starts screaming at Lavan:

“What is my transgression? What is my sin, that you have pursued me? When you rummaged through all my things, what did you find of all your household objects? Set it here before my brethren and your brethren, and let them decide between the two of us. These twenty years I have been with you. Your ewes and she-goats did not miscarry, nor did I eat the rams of your flock. That which was mangled I never brought to you – I would bear the loss, from my hand you would exact it, stolen by day or stolen by night. This is how I was: By day heat consumed me, and snow by night; my sleep drifted from my eyes. This is for me twenty years in your household: I worked for you fourteen years for your two daughters, and six years for your flocks; and you changed my wage ten countings. Had not the G-d of my father – the G-d of Avraham and the Dread of Yitzchak – been with me, you would surely have now sent me away empty handed. G-d saw my wretchedness and the toil of my hands....”[6]

            Here again, Yaakov seems to get all emotional and angry, pointing out Lavan's faults, this time to his face. Why did Yaakov think it was necessary to do so? Why not just keep quiet? Let Lavan have his fun poking around the tents and then everyone will just peacefully be able to continue on their own ways?

            Once we understand who Yaakov was, then we will realize that these three events were not cases of Yaakov losing control of his temper and acting out of character. Rather, Yaakov's response during these events represented a true reflection of Yaakov's persona and was very much a part of his character. Yaakov symbolized emes (truth). He could not tolerate any resemblance of sheker (falsehood). When Yaakov came and saw that the shepherds were either stealing payment from their employers or wasting their own time, he could not just stand by and watch. Similarly, his time spent with Lavan might have seemed normal to others, but Yaakov recognized the lifestyle dependent on sheker. Again, Yaakov could not just let Lavan continue on his merry way. As a representative of emes, it was Yaakov's job to bring emes into the world and point out any and all sheker. Therefore, it was indeed Yaakov's task to give mussar to the shepherds as well as to point out to his wives, and even Lavan himself, the sheker revolving around Lavan's life.

Now that we have a better understanding of Yaakov avinu, there is a difficulty that must be dealt with. As aforementioned, Yaakov and his family ran away from Lavan's house. The Torah describes that after Lavan caught up to them and accused Yaakov of stealing his idols, Yaakov confidently cursed, “With whomever you find your gods, he shall not live...”[7] Of course, however, as the Torah continues, “And Yaakov did not know that Rachel had stolen them”.[8] Why is it, though, that Yaakov did not take this into consideration? Lavan had just come to hunt them down because he had reason to believe that someone in Yaakov's family had taken his gods. Obviously Lavan thought it was a reasonable accusation to make, so what could make Yaakov so sure that indeed no one in his family had taken them? Did it not enter Yaakov's mind that perhaps his wife had taken the idols to stop her father from doing avodah zarah (idol worship)? Certainly someone as calculated and clear-minded as Yaakov could not overlook such a possibility. So, why was he so confident to the point that he cursed whoever had taken them?

            Perhaps, we could explain this as well based on our understanding of Yaakov. Yaakov avinu, being a representative of emes, understood that upholding emes demands acting aggressively when it comes to fighting sheker. Just as Yaakov considered it his duty to approach the shepherds at the well and just as he was quick to give his two cents to Lavan to let him know precisely what he did wrong,  so too Yaakov knew that if someone in his family had taken the avodah zarrah to prevent Lavan from continuing, it would not have been done secretly. Instead, it would have been taken care of the way his grandfather, Avraham, would have dealt with it: make a complete mockery[9] and destroy them.[10]

Perhaps this is why when Lavan came and accused Yaakov of stealing his gods, Yaakov felt confident that it was no one from his family. He probably thought something along the lines of, “Hmm, destroying his avodah zarah would have been a nice thing to do, but, oh well, too late. It could not have been anyone from my household that took it, because certainly no one would take them to worship, so the only reason to take them would be to try to stop Lavan from continuing; and that cannot be because if that were the case then they would have, and should have, made a whole big stink about it. The sheker should have been confronted – grabbed and destroyed in front of his face.” Someone on the level of Yaakov avinu who took the responsibility of bringing kiddush Hashem into the world rightfully expected those fighting for the emes to do so in the way he was taught. From the fact that such a situation did not occur, Yaakov was sure that no one from his family had taken the idols.

            However, as we know, someone of Yaakov's house did in fact steal the idols – Yaakov's wife, Rachel. Unfortunately, as Rashi[11] tells us, it was indeed Yaakov's curse which caused Rachel to die on the road. What went wrong? If Yaakov's logic was correct, then it was indeed not probable that Rachel took the idols. After all, as Yaakov assumed, if she had taken them then she should have made a raucous about it. Yet, she did steal them and did so without making a whole scene about it. Where was Yaakov's error in calculation, which ultimately caused him to unknowingly curse his wife?

            In order to understand this, let us focus on the small time frame from when Rachel stole the teraphim (Lavan's idols) to, just minutes later, their great escape. The passuk[12] states, “...and Rachel stole the teraphim that belonged to her father.” Rashi[13] explains that Rachel did so because she intended to separate Lavan from idolatry. The difficulty with this is why did she wait so long? She had been with Yaakov living there for many years already. Why did Rachel suddenly wake up and decide to stop her father from worshiping idols, only minutes before she was to leave forever? Why did she not try to stop him from worshipping avodah zarrah years before?

            In parshas Chayei Sarah, the Torah describes that when Eliezer, the servant of Avraham, came to Lavan's father's house to find a wife for Yitzchak, Lavan came running out to meet him. He said to Eliezer, “Why should you stand outside when I have cleared the house...?”[14] Rashi[15] comments that Lavan was hinting to Eliezer that he had cleared the house of idols. Lavan was evidently smart enough to realize that someone from the house of Avraham would not want anything to do with a house full of idols. Knowing this about Lavan’s personality, it is safe to assume that when Yaakov came to Lavan's house, Lavan once again cleared his idols from sight. While Yaakov was living in Lavan's house, Lavan suppressed his temptation to serve idols. Perhaps this is why Rachel never felt the need to approach Lavan during all the years Yaakov was living with them, because he indeed had his idols temporarily out of service.

However, Rachel knew that as soon as Lavan would realize that Yaakov and his family left, the first thing he would do would be to dust off his idols and start worshipping them once again. Therefore, it was only at the last second that it was necessary to dispose of Lavan's idols. Before then, Lavan had them stored away because he did not want to take them out in the presence of Yaakov.[16]

            This might explain why Rachel waited so long to confiscate Lavan's idols. However, still, why was it that she did not make a public scene of it as Yaakov would have expected?

            There is an extremely intriguing passuk (verse) that the Torah uses to describe Yaakov's escape: “And Yaakov deceived Lavan the Aramean by not telling him that he was fleeing”.[17] There are two elements in this passuk which are quite difficult to understand. First, it is extremely bothersome that the Torah calls Yaakov a deceiver[18]. Second, the passuk seems to take Yaakov to task for not telling Lavan that he was running away. This makes no sense. If the Torah would be upset at Yaakov for fleeing, we might understand. However, the Torah is not blaming Yaakov for running away, instead the Torah is troubled over the fact that Yaakov ran away without letting Lavan know. What kind of accusation is this? If Yaakov did the right thing by running away, then, by definition, he did the right thing by not telling Lavan. It is impossible to secretly run away from someone if you tell him when you are leaving!

            The Ohr HaChayim[19] comes to address these issues and explains as follows. After Yaakov had amassed wealth as a successful shepherd and had a family of eleven of the twelve shevatim, he asked Lavan, “Give me my wives and my children for whom I have worked for you, and I will go.”[20] Rashi[21] there says that Yaakov told Lavan that he did not want to leave without first asking permission. Yaakov said this to trick Lavan into thinking that he would ask before leaving. This would give Yaakov the opportunity to leave whenever he wanted, steering clear out of Lavan's way – who was expecting to be asked permission first. For this, the Torah calls Yaakov a deceiver.

            Yaakov had many good reasons to run away from Lavan's house, and Hashem agreed to his calculations. As a matter of fact, Hashem Himself actually told him to go back to Yitzchak and Rivkah. However, to go so far as to first tell Lavan that he would never think of leaving without asking permission, was a little too much. Being on the incredibly high level that Yaakov was on, he should not have transgressed even on this slight form of geneivas da'as (deception) from Lavan. Yaakov was expected to just run away, without playing mind games with Lavan first. The tremendous level of greatness that Yaakov had achieved came with the responsibility of being extra careful and judged k'chut ha'sa'arah[22].

            Had Yaakov not asked the “fake permission” that time from Lavan then Rachel could have said to Lavan, “At some point we are going to run away. This is obvious and you have probably considered this already. When we do so, I know that you will go right back to serving your avodah zarah.” Then, Rachel could have given him a whole speech and gotten rid of the avodah zarah right then and there. However, because Yaakov first told Lavan that he would ask before leaving, Rachel was stuck. If they were not going to leave anyway until Lavan's say-so, then it made sense for her to wait until Lavan granted them permission in order rebuke him and take the idols. To do so before hand would have been unreasonable because Lavan was not worshiping the idols while they were still living in his house. Therefore, had Rachel in fact given Lavan the avodah zarah mussar shmooze, then it would be a dead give-away that they were planning on escaping, and that Yaakov had tricked him. It comes out that it was because of the slight untruth that Yaakov told Lavan originally, that Rachel was forced to play along.

            Perhaps this slight mistake was what ultimately caused Yaakov to miscalculate when it came to cursing the one who stole the teraphim (idols). When Rachel went to take the teraphim she could not make a whole scene of it because she had to play along with the delusion that Yaakov had fed to Lavan. Had she given Lavan a whole speech while taking the idols, Lavan would have suspected that Yaakov had tricked him and that he had been planning all along on leaving without asking permission.

            Although Yaakov did not necessarily do anything wrong by originally tricking Lavan, by doing so he ended up miscalculating. He figured that had anyone of his household taken the idols, they would have made it into a whole mussar shmuz. However, the fact that he failed to consider was that because of his tricking Lavan, the rest of his logic became flawed. All it took was this minor entry of trickery into Yaakov's head that resulted in such a grave outcome.

            Yaakov was the one who was picked by Hashem to be the one to bring emes into the world and fight the sheker of Eisav and Lavan. Yaakov took this responsibility to heart and did in fact uplift the world by being someone who people looked at and realized what emes is[23]. However this came with a tremendous responsibility and when Yaakov fed Lavan with his slight piece of untruthful information, it back-fired and flawed his own logic-flow, ultimately causing him to unknowingly curse his wife.

            Although we are far from the tremendous levels of kedusha and middos tovos of the avos, we could learn from Yaakov what it means to be someone who fully represents emes, and at the same time recognize that slight untruths are sheker; and although because of his level it backfired harshly on Yaakov, we could hopefully see for ourselves how pure the middah of emes must be kept and what it means to really stay away from sheker. May Hashem help us achieve the highest levels of emes and help us stay away from sheker so we could understand His ways and become closer to Hashem.

---

[1]    Beraishis 25:27

[2]    Ibid.

[3]    Beraishis 29:7

[4]    Rashi Ibid.

[5]    Beraishis 31:4-13

[6]    Beraishis 31:36-42

[7]    Beraishis 31:32

[8]    Ibid.

[9]     The Medrash relates that when old men came to purchase idols at the shop, Avraham would make fun that they – 60 and 70 year olds – were dumb enough to worship something man-made less than a week ago. When a person came in saying he wanted to purchase an idol that he could feed, Avraham smashed all their heads and gave the ax to the biggest one and mocked how they were all “fighting over the food”.

[10]  See Kli Yakar 27:1 who writes that the Torah says that Yitzchak became blind and Rashi explains that the cause of this was the smoke from the wives of Eisav who would offer incense to avodah zarah. The Kli Yakar asks that how could it be that Yitzchak and Rivkah tolerated avodah zarah? They came from the household of Avraham and would have been expected to protest the avodah zarah as Avraham used to do? According to this, it is safe to assume that the Kli Yakar would expect no less from Yaakov and Rachel.

[11]  Rashi Ibid.

[12]  Beraishis 31:19

[13]  Rashi Ibid.

[14]  Beraishis 24:31

[15]  Rashi Ibid.

[16]  One could ask that perhaps only in Eliezer's case did Lavan care enough to hide his idols, because he was interested in making a good impression on Eliezer who had come with a lot of money. Yaakov, however, came being dirt poor after being robbed by Eliphaz. Even considering this, I would still argue that Lavan still wanted to make a good impression on Yaakov because he knew that his family was wealthy, even if Yaakov was mugged on the way.

[17]  Beraishis 31:20

[18]  The passuk actually uses a word with the root of ganav – that Yaakov “stole the heart of Lavan”.

[19]  Beraishis 31:20

[20]  Beraishis 30:26

[21]  Rashi Ibid.

[22]  Literally: like a strand of hair. Meaning, Hashem is very strict and scrutinizes every detail because of the higher expectation.

[23]  Yaakov had a tremendous influence on places, even by just being there. This could be seen from the first passuk in this week's parsha (28:10), which says, “And Yaakov departed from Be'er-Sheva and went to Charan”. Rashi there explains that the passuk mentions this to teach that when a tzaddik departs from or arrives to a city, there is an impression that is felt.