Parshas Vayeishev - Ready or Not – Hear I Come!

Parshas Vayeishev

Ready or Not – Hear I Come!

By: Daniel Listhaus

וַיִּקְחוּ אֶת כְּתֹנֶת יוֹסֵף וַיִּשְׁחֲטוּ שְׂעִיר עִזִּים וַיִּטְבְּלוּ אֶת הַכֻּתֹּנֶת בַּדָּם: וַיְשַׁלְּחוּ אֶת כְּתֹנֶת הַפַּסִּים וַיָּבִיאוּ אֶל אֲבִיהֶם וַיֹּאמְרוּ זֹאת מָצָאנוּ הַכֶּר נָא הַכְּתֹנֶת בִּנְךָ הִוא אִם לֹא: וַיַּכִּירָהּ וַיֹּאמֶר כְּתֹנֶת בְּנִי חַיָּה רָעָה אֲכָלָתְהוּ טָרֹף טֹרַף יוֹסֵף: וַיִּקְרַע יַעֲקֹב שִׂמְלֹתָיו וַיָּשֶׂם שַׂק בְּמָתְנָיו וַיִּתְאַבֵּל עַל בְּנוֹ יָמִים רַבִּים: וַיָּקֻמוּ כָל בָּנָיו וְכָל בְּנֹתָיו לְנַחֲמוֹ וַיְמָאֵן לְהִתְנַחֵם וַיֹּאמֶר כִּי אֵרֵד אֶל בְּנִי אָבֵל שְׁאֹלָה וַיֵּבְךְּ אֹתוֹ אָבִיו

“They [the brothers] took Yosef's Tunic, and they slaughtered a male of the goats , and dipped the tunic in the blood. They dispatched the fine woolen tunic and they brought it to their father, and said, 'We found this; identify, if you please: Is this your son's tunic or not?' He recognized it and said, 'My son's tunic! An evil beast devoured him! Yosef has surely been torn to bits!' Then Yaakov ripped his garments and placed sackcloth on his loins; he mourned for his son many days. All his son and all his daughters arose to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted, and he said, 'For I will go down to the grave mourning over my son.' And his father [Yitzchak] cried for him.”

-Vayeishev 37:31-35

When the brothers returned to Yaakov and showed him the bloody garment they claimed they had found, Yaakov was devastated. Yosef was more than just his favorite son from his main wife, but also the primary extension of the avos (forefathers – Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov) and who was and is destined to face-off against Eisav.¹ The Torah² describes that Yaakov refused to be comforted.

Rashi³ comments that Yaakov was unable to be comforted because in reality Yosef was alive. Hashem put a power into the world that after one dies, he or she is, to an extent, forgotten over time. This is an important force in the world in order that the world should be able to continue to function properly. After all, if every time a person passed away his close friends and relatives would become depressed for the rest of their lives, society as a whole would be unable to successfully maintain its purposes. This power, though, had no effect on Yaakov to forget his son, Yosef, at this particular time not because their connection was closer than others or because they shared more in common. Rather, simply because Yosef was in reality still alive, unbeknownst to Yaakov.

The S'forno⁴, however, takes a different approach in order to understand this passuk (verse). He writes that while the Torah testifies that Yaakov's entire family tried hard to comfort him with nice words, they were never successful because whenever they tried to speak, Yaakov would turn the other way and refuse to listen. The reason Yaakov was so obstinate was because he did not want one iota of emotion or worry for Yosef to leave him.

This S'forno is difficult to understand. Why did Yaakov think it was necessary to refuse the condolences his family was offering him in order to ensure that his sorrow and feelings for Yosef would not diminish? Surely Yaakov was someone who had complete control over his emotions and seemingly should have been able to maintain whatever level of feelings he wanted regardless of whether his family was there comforting him or not? Why did Yaakov have to outright refuse the comforting words of his family?

Over the past decade, a number of cities around the United States, and all over the world have started to adopt an interesting method of decreasing crime. Evidently, all that it takes is a mounted set of speakers and an MP3 player with classical music, and crime statistics magically change dramatically. Robberies, attacks on police officers, vandalism, and murders all decreased by over 25%. People suddenly began to feel safe in areas at night where they would have previously been hesitant to walk through during the day. Additionally, the general attitude in these places has become more positive which consequentially resulted in more productive communities.

How does this work? Why should the fact that there is now a piece composed by Beethoven playing in the background stop someone from doing drugs? How does listening to Mozart convince someone who yesterday tripped an old lady, to suddenly help her across the street?

The answer lies in an area of human psychology which we often ignore, but must understand. We are easily effected by what we hear. Someone listening to calm music in a car may very likely drive differently than the one who is blaring a heavy metal rap. Besides for the fact that the type of music we listen to tells us about our personality, the reverse relation is true as well. What we listen to comes back and influences our attitude, emotions, the way we think, and how we will interact with others.

This idea goes far beyond music. Take a moment to think about how different you feel when undertaking a project with people offering words of encouragement, from when you try working on a task where the ones who have tried before you are standing right behind you shouting that it is impossible. Oftentimes it is not the level of difficulty that determines one's probability of success, but rather the accompanying dialogue – if they were building words or crushing words.

This is something we should all try to keep in mind every day. Saying hello to someone or simply walking around with a smile makes an impression on others whether you realize it or not, and whether they want it or not. Even the most stubborn and depressed person who does not want to be happier will subconsciously be positively effected by what he hears throughout the day.

Perhaps this is the lesson that the S'forno is teaching us. Yaakov understood the effect that words can have on a person. Even though there was no power in the world to remove Yaakov's sorrow in this circumstance, because Yosef was really still alive, still the words of condolences alone of Yaakov's family had the ability to detract from Yaakov's sorrow over losing Yosef. Therefore in order to ensure that he maintained the feelings he wanted to keep within him, he had to specifically refuse to listen to the words of his family. Just sitting there and trying to ignore them would not have been enough because the message would have seeped into his system and effected him whether he liked it or not.

This is a lesson we must internalize for ourselves as well as recognize and appreciate it to help others. For ourselves, we must make sure that it is we who decide what we want to hear and not simply to allow others to have access to feed in whatever they want. Furthermore, we must learn to monitor ourselves and to recognize the effects that listening to various things could have on us. For others, we must keep in mind the tremendous positive impact we could make by saying simple “hello's” and “thank-you' s” with a smile, or the dangerously discouraging impact we could have on someone with crushing words.

May Hashem help us protect ourselves from what we really do not want to hear and help us inspire others with encouraging words – because what we or others hear indeed effects the way we think and act whether we are ready for it or not.

1See Rashi Beraishis 30:25

2Beraishis 37:35

3Ibid.

4Ibid.