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Thoughts on the Parsha ~
Parshas
Ki Sisa
Know What You’re Doing
By:
Daniel Listhaus
וַיְהִי כַּאֲשֶׁר קָרַב אֶל הַמַּחֲנֶה וַיַּרְא אֶת הָעֵגֶל
וּמְחֹלֹת וַיִּחַר אַף משֶׁה וַיַּשְׁלֵךְ מִיָּדָו אֶת הַלֻּחֹת וַיְשַׁבֵּר
אֹתָם תַּחַת הָהָר
“It
happened as he drew near the camp and he saw the calf an th dance s , that
moshe’s anger burned, he threw down the Tablets from his hands and shattered at
the bottom of the mountain.”
-Shemos 32:19
There is
no doubt that B’nei Yisroel worshipping the eigel ha’zahav
(golden calf) was the worst occurrence in history since the episode of the eitz
ha’daas (tree of knowledge). In fact, chazal[1] teach us that
there is no punishment which comes to the world which does not have in it some
retribution for the eigel ha’zahav. Not only did we as a nation
worship avoda zarrah (idols), but the timing could not be worse.
Only weeks after hearing Hashem Himself say, “I am Hashem your G-d who took you
out of Mitzrayim”, we failed miserably by transgressing on the most fundamental
commandment. Furthermore, chazal tell us that at matan Torah
(time of receiving the Torah) B’nei Yisroel reached the level of Adom
HaRishon before the cheit (sin) and that was forever ruined when
they committed the sin of the cheit ha’eigel.
There is no way any of us could look back and
say, “If only I was there I would not have made the same mistake”. Although it
may be completely incomprehensible to us how the dor (generation) which
witnessed makkos Mitzrayim (plagues in Mitzrayim), kriyas Yam
Suf (splitting of the Red Sea), and mattan Torah, we cannot judge
them. Clearly this was somehow not only a proper test, but an exceedingly
difficult test on their level.
While this disaster was occurring at
the bottom of the mountain, the Torah relates that Moshe rabbeinu
started heading down Har Sinai carrying the luchos, and
when he reached Yeoshua they discussed the sounds they heard coming from the
camp. Moshe then approached B’nei Yisroel’s camp and when he saw
the calf and the dances that were taking place, his anger burned and he threw
the luchos down, smashing them on the ground.
The inference from this passuk (verse)
which the meforshim (commentaries) seem to pick up on is that the luchos
did not simply fall, rather the act, or at least an aspect of the act of the luchos
dropping was deliberate. There was a level of thought that went into throwing
down the luchos. However before laying out some of the opinions offered,
let us bear in mind a basic point. It cannot be that Moshe could have simply
chosen to break the luchos even to make a sharp statement to B’nei
Yisroel, just like a person cannot take a sefer Torah and throw it
down in front of someone who is not shomeir shabbos and say, “If
you continue to behave like this then this Torah is not for you”. There are
laws regarding the level of respect one must express toward a sefer Torah.[2] If one
drops a sefer Torah, the custom is to fast – even if dropped
accidentally. Certainly one cannot just throw down a sefer Torah and how
much more so the luchos ha’eidus which the Torah describes as michtav
Elokim![3]
So really there are only two ways that Moshe could have been allowed to do such
a thing. Either Hashem himself, or equivalent - such as Moshe having a s’vara
or limud based on daas Torah- guided him to do so; or that it was
a complete accident beyond Moshe’s control. These are indeed the two mehalchim
that are found in Rashi and Rashbam respectively.
Rashi[4] brings from
the gemara[5]
that upon seeing B’nei Yisroel joyously worshipping the eigel,
Moshe made a quick calculation based on the following kal v’chomeir,
“Now if with regard to Karbon Pesach, which is only one of the
commandments, the Torah said, ‘Any stranger shall not eat of it,’ with the
entire Torah here, and all of Yisroel meshumadim should I give it to
them?”[6] According
to Rashi, Moshe’s actions are quite understandable. He saw B’nei Yisroel
worshipping the eigel and decided that the proper thing to do was to
throw down the luchos and break them.
The Rashbam[7] however has
a very different approach which he learns based on Pirkei d’Rebbe
Eliezer[8].
The Rashbam writes that when Moshe saw the eigel, he became
weak and no longer had the strength to hold the luchos. They started to
fall and there was no way he could onto it any further. However, in the last
moments as the luchos were slipping from his hands, Moshe gave the luchos
an extra push so that they would not fall and hurt his feet. This is what
the passuk is alluding to when it hints to a deliberate throwing down
the luchos. Not that Moshe meant to throw down the luchos,
because he did not – he just could not hold it anymore, but that he
intentionally directed it away from his feet as it was falling down.
The question that begs to be asked on this Rashbam is how could
it be that as Moshe came down Har Sinai holding the luchos,
and upon seeing B’nei Yisroel worshipping the eigel hazahav
they became too heavy to bear – quite obviously because of the sin he was
witnessing, and yet Moshe had the mental capacity to think about the luchos not
falling on his feet? Moshe rabbeinu was the quintessence of da’as Torah
and representing Hashem. His middos and everything about him were
perfectly aligned with ratson Hashem. His emotional charges were based
on his insight into Hashem’s desires. How could it be that at a time of such
extreme ambivalence needing reconciliation – seeing the B’nei Yisroel worshiping
eigel ha’zahav while he was preparing to give the physical luchos to
them – that Moshe rabbeinu could have the state of mind to
consider his own feet? One would think that he would be so involved feeling the
stress and pain of Hashem – so to speak – that B’nei Yisroel could sin
so brazenly only weeks after receiving the Torah. How could we understand this Rashbam?
And what lesson could the Torah possibly teaching us if this indeed is the p’shat
(explanation) in the deliberate act that the Torah is referencing?
Perhaps we could understand as
follows. When it comes to a person who has bad middos, the issue is more
serious than him simply not being a nice guy. For example, the Orchos
Tzadikkim comments based on a number of mamrei chazal that one who
has inappropriate levels of gaivah (haughtiness) or ka’as (anger)
is akin to one who worships avodah zarrah. After all, such a person is
essentially completely giving himself over to an inner feeling to take control.
A real ba’al middos however is exactly that – a ba’al middos, a
master over one’s middos. Even at times when full-fledged emotional
responses seem appropriate, that is rarely the case; even the purest of human
instincts are less meaningful than decisions. A mother who jumps down into the
subway to save her baby who rolled onto the tracks is clearly acting out of
pure love and kindness, however for a mother to make the conscious decision to
go despite realizing the possible consequence that the decision might have on
her own life, or the decision not to go in some cases, realizing that the
circumstance is not in her favor, demonstrates real heroic behavior; the
ability to conquer instinct and instead be a master over one’s instinct and
utilize it in its correct measurements.
Perhaps this is the lesson that the Rashbam
is telling us that the pasuk is trying to convey. Indeed, even at a time
when a full out emotional response seems so obvious and appropriate, and there
is something to be said of someone who could achieve such a level where his
instinct is pure, that is not as great as being a ba’al middos. Moshe rabbeinu
was a ba’al middos. Indeed, emotional instinct would dictate that he
would be so furious that even as the luchos were slipping through his
hands he would be in such shock of being in a situation of holding the luchos
ha’eidus while watching B’nei Yisroel commit avodah zarrah
that he would be unable to think of anything outside his emotions. Yet, the
passuk is teaching us that even at times when one’s feelings are correct
and accurate, it is no excuse to not be aware of what one is actively doing.
May Hashem help us work on our middos
so that we have full control over our middos, emotions, and actions,
instead of the other way around. With this zechus (merit) of not giving
into the avodah zarrahs of our emotions and middos, may we be
able to properly prepare ourselves to be good keilim(vessels) to
hold the Torah and reach a time that we could do complete teshuva for
the unacceptable sin of cheit ha’eigel.
[1]
See Rashi (32:34) who brings from the Gemara Sanhedrin
102a
[2]
See Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah 282:1
[3]
Shemos 32:16
[4]
Rashi Shemos 32:19
[5]
Shabbos 87a
[6]
The Gemara rally considers this to be one of the things that Moshe rabbeinu did
onhis own, and although there was a kal v’chomeir (which would
make it no fully his own), the kal v’chomeir was more of a justification
to do what he did than it was a pure kal v’chomeir because it has a pircha
to it (it is refutable). However, the fact remains that such a decision still
requires having a basis in Torah. One cannot simply stand up and throw down a
sefer Torah or the luchos.
[7]
Rashbam Shemos 32:19. See also Chizkuni
[8]
Pirkei d’Rebbe Eliezer 45
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