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Thoughts on the Parsha ~
Parshas Vayeishev
Caught in the Act: Don’t Fake it
‘til You Make it
By: Daniel Listhaus
וַיִּרְאוּ אֶחָיו כִּי אֹתוֹ אָהַב אֲבִיהֶם מִכָּל אֶחָיו
וַיִּשְׂנְאוּ אֹתוֹ וְלֹא יָכְלוּ דַּבְּרוֹ לְשָׁלֹם
“His brothers saw
that it was he whom their father loved most of all his brothers so they hated
him; and they were not able to speak to him peacefully.”
-Vayeishev 37:4
After leaving
Lavan’s house, encountering Eisav, and running into some issues with Shechem,
Yaakov and his family were finally able to settle in Eretz Yisroel. The
Torah[1]
tells us that Yaakov made a special kesones passim (fine woolen tunic)
for Yosef; clearly displaying favoritism towards Yosef which he did not
extend equally to his other sons. The S’forno[2]
teaches that this was a mistake that Yaakov avinu made. One should
not outwardly show more love to one child more than another, even if it that is
truly how one feels.[3]
The favoritism which Yaakov
showed seems to be one of the main causes of the sequence of events which
resulted in B’nei Yisroel living in Mitzrayim.
The passuk (verse)[4]
tells us that the brothers hated Yosef and were unable to speak to him
peacefully. The S’forno[5]
points out that indeed the brothers still spoke to Yosef when they needed
to communicate in order to accomplish their daily tasks and household chores;
they were just unable to have the relationship of loving brothers. Rashi[6]
adds that as bad as this was, there was one redeeming quality: at least the
brothers were consistent. They hated Yosef and they did not try to pretend
otherwise. Not the best situation possible, but at least the cards were on the
table for peace to potentially be able to be worked out.
The Kli Yakar
however has a slightly different approach. The Kli Yakar[7]
writes that the hatred referred to in this passuk was not because of
Yaakov’s favoritism toward Yosef, but rather over the fact that Yosef had given
bad reports about his brothers to Yaakov. As Rashi[8]
describes a few passukim earlier, Yosef tattled on his brothers and
reported that they were doing improper things such as eating eiver min
ha’chai (limb taken from a live animal), not treating the sons of Bilhah
and Zilpah properly, and that they were suspect of arayos (immoral
behavior). The brothers hated Yosef for reporting these things to Yaakov and
painting them in a very negative light. So, to counter this they decided to
ignore Yosef completely. They wanted to make it very clear to Yaakov that they
hated Yosef so much that they could not bring themselves to speak to him at
all. Their calculation was that they hoped that by faking their anger strong
enough, Yaakov would realize how upset the brothers were with Yosef and figure
that Yosef must equally dislike them in return. With this thought, the brothers
assumed that Yaakov would be far less likely to take Yosef’s allegations as
serious and instead attribute them as part of the mysterious family feud.
The most fascinating
and intriguing part of this Kli Yakar we must focus on is that
when he explains the passuk that the brothers were not able to speak to
Yosef peacefully, he writes that really the brothers were fully capable
of speaking to Yosef p0eacefully and working out the hatred that was between
them. However, they were stuck. If they made peace with Yosef then Yaakov was
much more likely to believe the bad reports that Yosef had told him. After all,
if Yosef had no incentive to tattle-tale on his brothers, it must be true! So
instead, the brothers decided to put on an exaggerated show of hatred so that
Yaakov would attribute Yosef’s snitching to his severed relationship with his
brothers.
The Kli Yakar
continues to explain that there are two more times within the next few passukim
that the Torah states that the brothers hated Yosef. The very next passuk[9]
relates that Yosef told his brothers that he had dreamt a dream, and they
increased even more hatred. At this point, Yosef had not yet told them what the
details of his dream, he just told them that he had a dream. If so, why were
the brothers upset that the Torah says that they increased even more hatred
toward him? The reason, as the Kli Yakar explains, is that since they
were trying to ignore Yosef completely, when he came over and started speaking
with them, their plan became harder to keep; this made the brothers angrier
with Yosef and increased their hatred toward him.
The problem with
this explanation is that it does not seem to fit with the brothers’ real attitude
and honest feelings. The Kli Yakar had said clearly based on the
previous passuk that really as much as the brothers disliked Yosef for
speaking negatively about them, they were capable of making peace. However, in
order to ensure that Yaakov would not believe the evil reports they needed to
put on a show in front of Yaakov and pretend that they sincerely hated Yosef by
completely ignoring him. So when Yosef came over and merely mentioned to the
brothers that he had a dream, there should have been no reason for them to
increase their hatred. Yosef did not yet tell them the contents of his dream,
so that could not have been what caused the added hatred. Also, to say that it
was the mere fact that Yosef had approached them and spoke to them while they
were trying to ignore him is also hard to understand since that they did not
really hate Yosef so much and were really capable of making peace; they just
had to put on a show in front of Yaakov, but at this point they were not in
front of Yaakov.[10]
Why couldn’t they speak peacefully? They were not in front of Yaakov at this
point? They only went to Yaakov later when Yosef repeated the dream again. So
why did they hate the fact that Yosef mentioned to them the mere fact that he
had a dream?
The narrative
continues with Yosef telling his dream to his brother without their consent.
The dream obviously did not sit well with the brothers and they felt the need
to respond to Yosef. This, as the passuk tells us, caused an additional
level of hatred – al chalomosuv v’al d’varav (because of his dreams and
because of his words). The Kli Yakar explains here as well that besides
for being disturbed about the content of Yosef’s dream, they were furious that
not only was Yosef continuing to speak with them, but that he had said such
crazy things which demanded the brothers to respond, despite their decision to
ignore him completely.
The difficulty
again is that Yaakov was not yet in the scene, so if the brothers were really
able to speak to Yosef peacefully and only needed to fake their anger in Yaakov’s
presence, why did they hate Yosef more after hearing the dreams? If it was just
from hearing the dream itself, the Torah should have described the brothers’
feelings as kinnah (jealousy), as it does when Yosef tells over his
dreams to Yaakov at a time that the shevatim are not being spoken to nor
speaking. Clearly the hatred was stemming from the fact that Yosef was speaking
to them coupled with the fact that they felt compelled to respond, despite
having resolved to ignore Yosef completely. However, what was the big deal?
That was something only necessary to do in front of Yaakov, not between them
and Yosef – for really, according to the Kli Yakar, they were able to
speak peacefully?
A certain
journalist on a quest to determine the validity of the mass diagnosing of
mental illness in our times, was introduced to a man named Tony. Tony is a
resident of Broadmoor Criminal Lunatic Asylum, better known as Broadmoor
Hospital, which is a high-security psychiatric hospital in England. Tony’s
story is an interesting one. As an aggressive 17 year old boy he supposedly killed
a homeless alcoholic man during a street fight – a crime which would have had
him locked away for about five years given the circumstances. However, while
waiting for his trial, he was advised by a cell-mate to fake mental illness as
a way to get some years of his sentence. Tony like the idea but ended up having
to face a bigger issue: he faked it too well and as a result he was sent to
Broadmoor. Upon arriving at Broadmoor, Tony took a look around at all the
completely crazy people there. He asked to speak to the psychiatrist and told him
that there must have been a mistake. He was not mad, he was completely normal.
He merely feigned madness in order to lighten his sentence. The Psychiatrist heard
his points and determined that Tony was in fact even worse than a madman, he
was a psychopath. For example, Tony kept to his story but no matter what he
did, it was translated as psychopathic behavior. While everyone in the asylum
wore sweatpants and a t-shirt, Tony insisted on wearing a pinstripe suit –
something he attributed to having self-worth and believing in his own sanity. However
the Broadmoor staff understood it as displaying a gross amount of superiority
above his peers. Also, Tony would choose to stay by himself in his room –
something which he did out of fear of the real insane people on the premises,
however the doctors said that it was further proof to his aloof and grandiose
attitude. Tony decided he wanted to show that he was normal so he subscribed to
a magazine which had an article one month about how the United States was
training bumblebees to sniff out explosives. However, when he approached a
nurse and mentioned the article he had read, trying to strike a normal
conversation, she listened and nodded and jotted down in the medical record,
“Believes that bees can sniff out explosives”. Even his original faking madness
was taken as a sign of manipulative psychopathic behavior.
Whether Tony was
always a psychopath, had become one, or was in fact completely telling the truth
is something which we may never find out. However one point which Tony made is
definitely objectively clear: It is much easier to convince someone that you
are a psychopath than try to convince him that you are not. Once it is believed
that a person has a disorder or shows certain attributes of a certain type of
personality, it is extremely easy to give him a label and then point to
anything and everything he or she does and put it in the “box” of what one
defined his “issue” as being. It is so easy to get caught in the act of ourselves
and others and set the proverbial ball rolling in motion in a certain direction
without remembering why or how it started rolling in the first place.
Perhaps this was
the underlying mistake of the brothers’ hatred according to the way the Kli
Yakar learns. The original hatred, although legitimately formed, was one
that had the potential to be corrected; however because of the curveball of the
brothers wanting to save face in front of Yaakov, they had to display an
exaggerated form of hatred – unanimously deciding to completely ignore Yosef’s
existence. When Yosef approached them, though, not in front of Yaakov and
informed them that he had a dream, the brothers got caught up in their “policy”
of ignoring Yosef and became further upset with him for making it increasingly
difficult. There was no reason for this hatred. It stemmed from a feeling of
needing to fake hatred in front of Yaakov in order that he be less likely to
believe Yosef’s evil reports. Yet, when Yosef approached them and started talking,
the brothers’ hatred intensified. Then, when Yosef went ahead and told them the
preposterous contents of the dream which demanded their immediate defensive
response, the brothers were further infuriated not only because of Yosef’s wild
imagination and disrespectful comments, but also that he had “forced” them into
breaking their ignoring streak by causing the brothers to feel the need to
respond. Again, this hatred did not belong. Yaakov was not around and there was
no reason for them to allow their anger to increase every time Yosef came. They
were not really that upset with him. However, they got caught up in their act.
They faked their original anger too well to the point that anything Yosef did
that opposed their efforts to ignore him was taken personally by the brothers
as if Yosef was specifically trying to trick them out of their plan to save
face.
This is a
mistake that so many of us make and all of us are prone to making. We make assumptions
or put on acts, and then become entrapped by them and subconsciously feel the
need to continue playing the role, like a self fulfilling prophecy. May Hashem
help us make the right decisions and, perhaps more importantly, to remember the
role, purpose, and direction of our decisions so we can be smart about when our
reasoning should be applied and when it should be aborted.
[1]
Beraishis 37:3
[2]
S’forno Beraishis 37:4
[3]
See also Gemara Shabbos 10b
[4]
Beraishis 37:4
[5]
S’forno ibid.
[6]
Rashi ibid.
[7]
Kli Yakar ibid.
[8]
Rashi Beraishis 37:3. Rashi continues to write that for sayinh these
things, Yosef was punished middah-keneged-middah: For his report of them eating
eiver min ha’chai, Yaakov was told that Yosef had been “slaughtered” by a wild
beast. For his reports about the treatment of the sons of the maidservants, Yosef
was solf as a slave. And for his relating that his brothers were suspect of
arayos, Yosef was put in a very difficult situation in Mitzrayim with eishes
Potiphar.
[9]
Beraishis 37:5
[10]
It is clear that they were not in front of Yaakov at the time Yosef related his
dream to his brothers for the first time, since it is only in the next passuk
when Yosef repeated his dreams to his father and brothers.
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