Parshas Vayechi - I Thought That You Thought

~ Thoughts on the Parsha ~

Parshas Vayechi

I Thought That You Thought

By: Daniel Listhaus

וַיִּקַּח יוֹסֵף אֶת שְׁנֵיהֶם אֶת אֶפְרַיִם בִּימִינוֹ מִשְּׂמֹאל יִשְׂרָאֵל וְאֶת מְנַשֶּׁה בִשְׂמֹאלוֹ מִימִין יִשְׂרָאֵל וַיַּגֵּשׁ אֵלָיו: וַיִּשְׁלַח יִשְׂרָאֵל אֶת יְמִינוֹ וַיָּשֶׁת עַל רֹאשׁ אֶפְרַיִם וְהוּא הַצָּעִיר וְאֶת שְׂמֹאלוֹ עַל רֹאשׁ מְנַשֶּׁה שִׂכֵּל אֶת יָדָיו כִּי מְנַשֶּׁה הַבְּכוֹר

“And Yosef took the two of them – Ephraim with his right hand, to Yisroel's [Yaakov's] left, and Menasheh, with his left, to Yisroel's right – and he drew close to him. But Yisroel extended his right hand and laid it on Ephraim's head though he was younger and his left hand on Menasheh's head. He moved his hands with intelligence, for Menasheh was the first born.”

-Vayechi 48:13-14

            The Torah^[1] carefully details the way that Yosef came to Yaakov with his sons, Menasheh and Ephraim. Menasheh was the older son and Yosef knew that he would be getting the bigger bracha (blessing). Ephraim, on the other hand,^[2] was younger and would therefore be secondary. For this reason, Yosef deliberately approached Yaakov with Menasheh on his own left and Ephraim on the right. This way, when they would be facing Yaakov opposite them, they would be in the proper mirror-imaged position, with Menasheh on Yaakov's right and Ephraim on his left.            

            However, much to Yosef's surprise, Yaakov crossed his hands and put his right hand on Ephraim, who was on his left, and his left hand on Menasheh, the older son, who was on Yaakov's right. At this point in time, as an on-looker, one would think that Yosef would just allow Yaakov to give the brachos according to the way he felt was proper. Yet, as the Torah continues to relate, Yosef's reaction was quite different, and a rather weird conversation erupted between Yaakov and Yosef.

            The passuk (verse)^[3] tells us that when Yaakov crossed his hands, Yosef was very displeased and said, “Not so, Father, for this is the firstborn; place your right hand on his head”^[4]. While saying so, Yosef actually started lifting Yaakov's hand to remove it from Ephraim's head in order to put it on Menasheh's. Yaakov, however, remained steadfast and insisted on his right hand being on Ephraim's head. His response to Yosef was simply, “I know my son, I know.”^[5]

            This event is very puzzling and hard to understand. First-of-all, Yaakov surely knew what he was doing, so why was Yosef questioning the way that Yaakov was giving the brachos? Had he merely switched their positions, one might make the mistake to think that Yaakov was just confused. However, an action as deliberate as swapping his hands seems to demonstrate a perfect knowledge of the situation and what Yaakov's intent was.

            Also, how did Yaakov explain his actions? Yosef had asked him to switch his hands back the right way, and Yaakov just responded, “I know my son, I know”, but didn't do anything about it. How did this terse response satisfy Yosef's request?^[6]

            The Rashbam^[7] sheds light on this difficult conversation by explaining as follows. When Yaakov switched his hands and put his right hand on Ephraim's head, Yosef was deeply upset. As the Da'as Zekainim^[8] explains, Yosef was thinking to himself, “My father thinks I am a fool. He thinks that when I came to him with my children that I had Menasheh on my own right and Ephraim on my left, like I usually do since Menasheh is my older son. He does not realize that I thought ahead and specifically came before him with Menasheh on my left and Ephraim on my right in order that when facing Yaakov, they would be in the correct position for Menasheh, the older son, to be the recipient of the right hand.” Yosef therefore spelled this out to Yaakov and said, “Despite the way you think I came to you, with my sons aligned from my perspective, that is not the way I did it. I had the brains to place them in order from your perspective so that they would be properly matched to your hands – with the firstborn adjacent to your right hand.”

            To this, Yaakov responded, “I know my son, I know”. The Rashbam continues to explain that the message that Yaakov was conveying to Yosef was the following, “I know, Yosef, that you are a chochom (wise person) and that you came to me with your children in the correct placements with Menasheh on my right and Ephraim on my left, yet, nevertheless, I am purposely placing my right hand on Ephraim.”

            Although this Rashbam does clear up many things for us, it is still difficult to comprehend. When Yosef saw Yaakov switch his hands and put his right hand on Ephraim, why did Yosef think that Yaakov thought that he was not smart. Why was it that the first possible explanation that could come to Yosef's mind was that his father considered him incompetent of planing in advance? In the end of the day, that was not the reason that Yaakov had switched his hands. So, why was it that the only reason that Yosef, who had a great relationship with his father even after being separated for many years, could come up with was that Yaakov had reversed his hands because he took Yosef to be a fool? What a strange conclusion for Yosef to draw!

            There is a famous article written by Frank Koch, in the U.S Naval Institute Proceedings,^[9] which goes as follows:

           “Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days. I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell. The visibility was poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all activities.

           Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing reported, “Light, bearing on the starboard bow.”
           “Is it steady or moving astern?” the captain called out.
           The lookout replied, “Steady, Captain,” which meant we were on a dangerous collision course with that ship.
           The captain then called to the signalman, “Signal that ship: 'We are on a collision course, advise you change course twenty degrees.'”

           Back came the signal, “Advisable for you to change course twenty degrees.”
           The captain said, “Send: “I'm a captain, change course twenty degrees.'”
           “I'm a seaman second-class,” came the reply. “You had better change course twenty degrees.”
           By that time the captain was furious. He spat out, “Send: 'I'm a battleship. Change course twenty degrees.'"
           Back came the flashing light, “I'm a lighthouse.”
We changed course.”

            Often-times we enter situations with an idea already in our heads as to how the scenario is supposed to play out. When out at sea, the captain was perhaps expecting to come across some ships in his path, but was not expecting a lighthouse. Therefore when he was communicating with what he thought was an on-coming ship, every possible idea came to mind as to how this 'second-class seaman' could have the audacity to talk back to him. Yet, the possibility that this other ship may be a lighthouse, was not something that he was anticipating and was therefore deemed an impossibility to enter his mind. It took the lighthouse staring him in his face, and its operator telling him that he better listen or he will be a sunk battleship, to finally be convinced that although he was not expecting there to be a lighthouse in his way, it was a reality that now needed to be faced.

            We are only privy to our own thoughts and perspectives. It takes a tremendous amount of open-mildness and objectivity to remove ourselves from the various influences that effect us. Every person's history, thought processes, and intentions are so different from each other. The way we perceive others is therefore not based on what they said, did, or thought, but rather what we heard, saw, or thought they thought.

            With this understanding, perhaps we could now better grasp Yosef's reasoning. Yosef knew the way that giving brachos worked, or at least he thought he did. Surely a bedtime story favorite of his was when Yaakov would tell him the story of how he had to buy the bechor (right to the first-born) from Eisav and how he had to deceive Yitzchak, upon Rivka's wishes through ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit from Hashem), in order to be considered the firstborn and befitting of receiving the brachos. Based on Yosef's comprehension, when he came to Yaakov with Menasheh and Ephraim for their brachos, it was so obvious to him that Yaakov's right hand should go on Menasheh's head. Therefore, when Yaakov criss-crossed his hands, the only possible explanation that Yosef could think of was that his father thought he was a fool. What other explanation could there be for Yaakov reversing his hands other than if Yaakov thought that Yosef had brought Menasheh on Yosef's own right, which would be Yaakov's left. It could not have been that Ephraim was really the one meant to get the bigger bracha, that was an impossibility because that is not the way the “happily ever after” story was supposed to end.

            This is something that occurs to us more often than not. It is quite often that after a misunderstanding between two parties, each side finds themselves thinking: “I thought that he thought that I thought”. Imagine how much clearer our eyesight would be if we were able to train ourselves not to think for others.

            As hard as it may be, we must admit that we are seeing an entire world through our eyes only. We must realize that we are constantly forcing our definitions and explanations into what others say, think, and do. From each of our vantage points, we consider ourselves like the captain of a ship and that we outrank anyone else's opinions. However, we must realize that as much as we are captains, there are things about others which we just cannot see past the fog that separates us as individuals.

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[1]    Beraishis 48:13-14

[2]    Excuse the pun.

[3]    Beraishis 48:17

[4]    Beraishis 48:18

[5]    Beraishis 48:19

[6]    Perhaps if Yaakov was British it would be understandable because they are known to say, “I say, I say!” without actually saying anything.

[7]    Beraishis 48:17

[8]   Ibid.

[9]   Koch, Frank. “Pulling Rank”. Proceedings. November 1987. (pg. 81)

Parshas Vayigash - How Old Are You Now?

~ Thoughts on the Parsha ~

Parshas Vayigash

How Old Are You Now?

By: Daniel Listhaus

וַיָּבֵא יוֹסֵף אֶת יַעֲקֹב אָבִיו וַיַּעֲמִדֵהוּ לִפְנֵי פַרְעֹה וַיְבָרֶךְ יַעֲקֹב אֶת פַּרְעֹה: וַיֹּאמֶר פַּרְעֹה  אֶל יַעֲקֹב כַּמָּה יְמֵי שְׁנֵי חַיֶּיךָ: וַיֹּאמֶר יַעֲקֹב אֶל פַּרְעֹה יְמֵי שְׁנֵי מְגוּרַי שְׁלשִׁים וּמְאַת שָׁנָה mמְעַט וְרָעִים הָיוּ יְמֵי שְׁנֵי חַיַּי וְלֹא הִשִּׂיגוּ אֶת יְמֵי שְׁנֵי חַיֵּי אֲבֹתַי בִּימֵי מְגוּרֵיהֶם

 “Then Yosef brought Yaakov, his father, and stood him before Pharaoh, and Yaakov blessed Pharaoh. Pharaoh said to Yaakov, 'How many are the days of the years of your life?' Yaakov said to Pharaoh, 'The days of the years of my sojourns have been one hundred and thirty years; few and bad gave been the days of the years of my life and they have not reached the days of the years of the lives of my forefathers in the days of their sojourns.'”

-Vayigash 47:7-9

After Yosef revealed himself to his brothers, the brothers went back to fetch Yaakov and bring him down to Mitzrayim. As soon as Yaakov entered Mitzrayim, the famine, which was supposed to last for another five years,[1] miraculously ended as the Nile overflowed and watered the land. Yosef then went to Pharaoh and made all the proper arrangements for the B'nei Yisroel to be able to settle peacefully and separately in the city of Goshen. After Pharaoh granted Yosef what he had asked for, Yosef went to get his father to introduce him to Pharaoh.

Rashi[2] comments that upon meeting Pharaoh for the first time, Yaakov did what any person would do, he said “hello”. However, Pharoah's response seems to be a little strange and out of place. The passuk³ (verse) describes that after Yaakov greeted Pharaoh, Pharaoh asked Yaakov, “How old are you?” What sparked Pharaoh to ask such a question? It was not Yaakov's birthday nor was he in 'parsha' that Pharaoh was trying to be his shadchan. So what possessed Pharaoh to ask such a question?

Furthermore, let us say that we could somehow understand why Pharaoh asked this question, how could we begin to understand Yaakov's answer? The passuk[3] states that Yaakov replied that his days and years were few and miserable. What was the purpose in answering in this way? If Yaakov felt that the question was inappropriate he could have brushed it off somehow, and if he thought it was an appropriate question, why did he not respond with his age? Either way, complaining about his past experiences seems completely purposeless. How could we understand Yaakov's response?

The Da'as Zekainim[4] as well as the Chizkuni[5]  explain as follows. When Pharaoh took one look at Yaakov, he was in shock. He thought to himself: How could it be that a person who is so old still be alive? He was too curious how old Yaakov was and could not help but ask. However, the reality was that Yaakov was not really considered old for someone in those times, he merely looked old. This is precisely what Yaakov responded to Pharaoh. He told him that he was not as old as he looks; he just looks so old because of the many troubles he experienced during his lifetime. The Da'as Zekainim and Chizkuni continue to explain that for each of the 33 words that Yaakov used to complain to Pharaoh, a year was taken off his life.

There are two problems with this explanation. First, why was Yaakov punished? After all Pharaoh had asked him a question wondering how old Yaakov was because he looked extremely old. Yaakov was merely setting Pharaoh straight by informing him that he was not as old as he looks. Second, if you count the number of words that Yaakov used while “complaining to Pharaoh”, you will find that there are actually only 25 words. So why were 33 years taken from his life? Where were the other eight words said?

The Chizkuni writes that not only was a year taken off of Yaakov's life for every word that he said, but additionally for the eight words the Torah uses to record Pharaoh’s question. So we could now understand mathematically where the number 33 comes from, but still, what did Yaakov do wrong that he should be punished at all, let alone punished for the words Pharaoh used in asking him how old he was?

The mishna[6] quotes Shammai who said, “Receive every person with a pleasant facial expression”. Clearly Shammai is not merely referring to a person who just won the lottery because such a person would already be walking around with a smile on his face. Rather, Shammai is referring to every scenario. It does not matter if you just won the lottery, had a regular day, or failed a test. A person has an obligation to greet people with a warm and friendly “hello” no matter what.

There is a story told about Rav Yisroel Salanter (founder of the “Mussar Movement”) that he was once walking down the street and he crossed paths with another person who was clearly not in the best of moods. Rav Yisroel approached him and asked if everything was okay. The man responded, “What do you mean, Rebbe, by asking if everything is okay? Surely you know that it is the aseres y'mei teshuva (ten days from Rosh Hashana until Yom Kippur) and that the yom ha'din (judgment day) will soon be here! This is why I am so troubled and look so worried and depressed.” To this, Rav Yisroel responded, “I don't understand. Why should I have to suffer because of your yom ha'din?”

The lesson that Rav Yisroel was teaching this man is a profound one. When we are walking in public or interacting with other people, what right do we have to throw our misery onto them? The fact that we may have had a bad day at school or work does not give us the divine right to walk around ignoring people. Just the opposite. We are still obligated to stop to say hello and, furthermore, we are expected to do it with a smile.

With this in mind, we could now understand why Yaakov avinu was punished. When Yaakov came down to Mitzrayim his face clearly showed the combination of his challenging life experiences. He was chased by Eisav, had to run away from home, was tricked in the house of Lavan, buried his wife while traveling, had his daughter kidnapped, and for many years was under the impression that his favorite son was dead. There is no doubt that Yaakov did indeed lead quite a difficult life. However, for a tzaddik such as himself, Hashem expected him to keep his troubles inside and not burden the world with them. The fact that when meeting Pharaoh for the first time and saying hello, Pharaoh was able to immediately sense something was wrong from the way Yaakov looked, and right away asked, “How old are you?”, was proof to Yaakov that he was not doing a good job greeting people with “seiver panim yafos” (a pleasant facial expression). This is why Yaakov was punished even for Pharaoh having to ask the question – because Yaakov should not have allowed himself to show his difficulties at the expense of others. Saying hello and greeting someone for the first time is not the time to burden him with your issues even if all you are doing is showing it in the quality of your hello.

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[1] They were already into their second year of the famine.

[2] Rashi Beraishis 47:7

[3] Beraishis 47:8

[4] Ibid.

[5] Ibid.

[6] Avos 1:15

Parshas Vayeishev - Caught in the Act: Don’t Fake it ‘til You Make it

~ Thoughts on the Parsha ~

Parshas Vayeishev

Caught in the Act: Don’t Fake it ‘til You Make it

By: Daniel Listhaus

וַיִּרְאוּ אֶחָיו כִּי אֹתוֹ אָהַב אֲבִיהֶם מִכָּל אֶחָיו וַיִּשְׂנְאוּ אֹתוֹ וְלֹא יָכְלוּ דַּבְּרוֹ לְשָׁלֹם

“His brothers saw that it was he whom their father loved most of all his brothers so they hated him; and they were not able to speak to him peacefully.”

-Vayeishev 37:4

After leaving Lavan’s house, encountering Eisav, and running into some issues with Shechem, Yaakov and his family were finally able to settle in Eretz Yisroel. The Torah[1] tells us that Yaakov made a special kesones passim (fine woolen tunic) for Yosef; clearly displaying favoritism towards Yosef which he did not extend equally to his other sons. The S’forno[2] teaches that this was a mistake that Yaakov avinu made. One should not outwardly show more love to one child more than another, even if it that is truly how one feels.[3]  The favoritism which Yaakov showed seems to be one of the main causes of the sequence of events which resulted in B’nei Yisroel living in Mitzrayim.

The passuk (verse)[4] tells us that the brothers hated Yosef and were unable to speak to him peacefully. The S’forno[5] points out that indeed the brothers still spoke to Yosef when they needed to communicate in order to accomplish their daily tasks and household chores; they were just unable to have the relationship of loving brothers. Rashi[6] adds that as bad as this was, there was one redeeming quality: at least the brothers were consistent. They hated Yosef and they did not try to pretend otherwise. Not the best situation possible, but at least the cards were on the table for peace to potentially be able to be worked out.

The Kli Yakar however has a slightly different approach. The Kli Yakar[7] writes that the hatred referred to in this passuk was not because of Yaakov’s favoritism toward Yosef, but rather over the fact that Yosef had given bad reports about his brothers to Yaakov. As Rashi[8] describes a few passukim earlier, Yosef tattled on his brothers and reported that they were doing improper things such as eating eiver min ha’chai (limb taken from a live animal), not treating the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah properly, and that they were suspect of arayos (immoral behavior). The brothers hated Yosef for reporting these things to Yaakov and painting them in a very negative light. So, to counter this they decided to ignore Yosef completely. They wanted to make it very clear to Yaakov that they hated Yosef so much that they could not bring themselves to speak to him at all. Their calculation was that they hoped that by faking their anger strong enough, Yaakov would realize how upset the brothers were with Yosef and figure that Yosef must equally dislike them in return. With this thought, the brothers assumed that Yaakov would be far less likely to take Yosef’s allegations as serious and instead attribute them as part of the mysterious family feud.

The most fascinating and intriguing part of this Kli Yakar we must focus on is that when he explains the passuk that the brothers were not able to speak to Yosef peacefully, he writes that really the brothers were fully capable of speaking to Yosef p0eacefully and working out the hatred that was between them. However, they were stuck. If they made peace with Yosef then Yaakov was much more likely to believe the bad reports that Yosef had told him. After all, if Yosef had no incentive to tattle-tale on his brothers, it must be true! So instead, the brothers decided to put on an exaggerated show of hatred so that Yaakov would attribute Yosef’s snitching to his severed relationship with his brothers.

The Kli Yakar continues to explain that there are two more times within the next few passukim that the Torah states that the brothers hated Yosef. The very next passuk[9] relates that Yosef told his brothers that he had dreamt a dream, and they increased even more hatred. At this point, Yosef had not yet told them what the details of his dream, he just told them that he had a dream. If so, why were the brothers upset that the Torah says that they increased even more hatred toward him? The reason, as the Kli Yakar explains, is that since they were trying to ignore Yosef completely, when he came over and started speaking with them, their plan became harder to keep; this made the brothers angrier with Yosef and increased their hatred toward him.

The problem with this explanation is that it does not seem to fit with the brothers’ real attitude and honest feelings. The Kli Yakar had said clearly based on the previous passuk that really as much as the brothers disliked Yosef for speaking negatively about them, they were capable of making peace. However, in order to ensure that Yaakov would not believe the evil reports they needed to put on a show in front of Yaakov and pretend that they sincerely hated Yosef by completely ignoring him. So when Yosef came over and merely mentioned to the brothers that he had a dream, there should have been no reason for them to increase their hatred. Yosef did not yet tell them the contents of his dream, so that could not have been what caused the added hatred. Also, to say that it was the mere fact that Yosef had approached them and spoke to them while they were trying to ignore him is also hard to understand since that they did not really hate Yosef so much and were really capable of making peace; they just had to put on a show in front of Yaakov, but at this point they were not in front of Yaakov.[10] Why couldn’t they speak peacefully? They were not in front of Yaakov at this point? They only went to Yaakov later when Yosef repeated the dream again. So why did they hate the fact that Yosef mentioned to them the mere fact that he had a dream?

The narrative continues with Yosef telling his dream to his brother without their consent. The dream obviously did not sit well with the brothers and they felt the need to respond to Yosef. This, as the passuk tells us, caused an additional level of hatred – al chalomosuv v’al d’varav (because of his dreams and because of his words). The Kli Yakar explains here as well that besides for being disturbed about the content of Yosef’s dream, they were furious that not only was Yosef continuing to speak with them, but that he had said such crazy things which demanded the brothers to respond, despite their decision to ignore him completely.

The difficulty again is that Yaakov was not yet in the scene, so if the brothers were really able to speak to Yosef peacefully and only needed to fake their anger in Yaakov’s presence, why did they hate Yosef more after hearing the dreams? If it was just from hearing the dream itself, the Torah should have described the brothers’ feelings as kinnah (jealousy), as it does when Yosef tells over his dreams to Yaakov at a time that the shevatim are not being spoken to nor speaking. Clearly the hatred was stemming from the fact that Yosef was speaking to them coupled with the fact that they felt compelled to respond, despite having resolved to ignore Yosef completely. However, what was the big deal? That was something only necessary to do in front of Yaakov, not between them and Yosef – for really, according to the Kli Yakar, they were able to speak peacefully?

A certain journalist on a quest to determine the validity of the mass diagnosing of mental illness in our times, was introduced to a man named Tony. Tony is a resident of Broadmoor Criminal Lunatic Asylum, better known as Broadmoor Hospital, which is a high-security psychiatric hospital in England. Tony’s story is an interesting one. As an aggressive 17 year old boy he supposedly killed a homeless alcoholic man during a street fight – a crime which would have had him locked away for about five years given the circumstances. However, while waiting for his trial, he was advised by a cell-mate to fake mental illness as a way to get some years of his sentence. Tony like the idea but ended up having to face a bigger issue: he faked it too well and as a result he was sent to Broadmoor. Upon arriving at Broadmoor, Tony took a look around at all the completely crazy people there. He asked to speak to the psychiatrist and told him that there must have been a mistake. He was not mad, he was completely normal. He merely feigned madness in order to lighten his sentence. The Psychiatrist heard his points and determined that Tony was in fact even worse than a madman, he was a psychopath. For example, Tony kept to his story but no matter what he did, it was translated as psychopathic behavior. While everyone in the asylum wore sweatpants and a t-shirt, Tony insisted on wearing a pinstripe suit – something he attributed to having self-worth and believing in his own sanity. However the Broadmoor staff understood it as displaying a gross amount of superiority above his peers. Also, Tony would choose to stay by himself in his room – something which he did out of fear of the real insane people on the premises, however the doctors said that it was further proof to his aloof and grandiose attitude. Tony decided he wanted to show that he was normal so he subscribed to a magazine which had an article one month about how the United States was training bumblebees to sniff out explosives. However, when he approached a nurse and mentioned the article he had read, trying to strike a normal conversation, she listened and nodded and jotted down in the medical record, “Believes that bees can sniff out explosives”. Even his original faking madness was taken as a sign of manipulative psychopathic behavior.

Whether Tony was always a psychopath, had become one, or was in fact completely telling the truth is something which we may never find out. However one point which Tony made is definitely objectively clear: It is much easier to convince someone that you are a psychopath than try to convince him that you are not. Once it is believed that a person has a disorder or shows certain attributes of a certain type of personality, it is extremely easy to give him a label and then point to anything and everything he or she does and put it in the “box” of what one defined his “issue” as being. It is so easy to get caught in the act of ourselves and others and set the proverbial ball rolling in motion in a certain direction without remembering why or how it started rolling in the first place.

Perhaps this was the underlying mistake of the brothers’ hatred according to the way the Kli Yakar learns. The original hatred, although legitimately formed, was one that had the potential to be corrected; however because of the curveball of the brothers wanting to save face in front of Yaakov, they had to display an exaggerated form of hatred – unanimously deciding to completely ignore Yosef’s existence. When Yosef approached them, though, not in front of Yaakov and informed them that he had a dream, the brothers got caught up in their “policy” of ignoring Yosef and became further upset with him for making it increasingly difficult. There was no reason for this hatred. It stemmed from a feeling of needing to fake hatred in front of Yaakov in order that he be less likely to believe Yosef’s evil reports. Yet, when Yosef approached them and started talking, the brothers’ hatred intensified. Then, when Yosef went ahead and told them the preposterous contents of the dream which demanded their immediate defensive response, the brothers were further infuriated not only because of Yosef’s wild imagination and disrespectful comments, but also that he had “forced” them into breaking their ignoring streak by causing the brothers to feel the need to respond. Again, this hatred did not belong. Yaakov was not around and there was no reason for them to allow their anger to increase every time Yosef came. They were not really that upset with him. However, they got caught up in their act. They faked their original anger too well to the point that anything Yosef did that opposed their efforts to ignore him was taken personally by the brothers as if Yosef was specifically trying to trick them out of their plan to save face.

This is a mistake that so many of us make and all of us are prone to making. We make assumptions or put on acts, and then become entrapped by them and subconsciously feel the need to continue playing the role, like a self fulfilling prophecy. May Hashem help us make the right decisions and, perhaps more importantly, to remember the role, purpose, and direction of our decisions so we can be smart about when our reasoning should be applied and when it should be aborted.

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[1] Beraishis 37:3

[2] S’forno Beraishis 37:4

[3] See also Gemara Shabbos 10b

[4] Beraishis 37:4

[5] S’forno ibid.

[6] Rashi ibid.

[7] Kli Yakar ibid.

[8] Rashi Beraishis 37:3. Rashi continues to write that for sayinh these things, Yosef was punished middah-keneged-middah: For his report of them eating eiver min ha’chai, Yaakov was told that Yosef had been “slaughtered” by a wild beast. For his reports about the treatment of the sons of the maidservants, Yosef was solf as a slave. And for his relating that his brothers were suspect of arayos, Yosef was put in a very difficult situation in Mitzrayim with eishes Potiphar.

[9] Beraishis 37:5

[10] It is clear that they were not in front of Yaakov at the time Yosef related his dream to his brothers for the first time, since it is only in the next passuk when Yosef repeated his dreams to his father and brothers.