~ Thoughts on the
Parsha ~
Parshas Vayeira
The Theory of Relativity: Who Are
You?
By: Daniel Listhaus
וַיִּתְמַהְמָהּ וַיַּחֲזִיקוּ הָאֲנָשִׁים בְּיָדוֹ וּבְיַדאִשְׁתּוֹ וּבְיַד
שְׁתֵּי בְנֹתָיו בְּחֶמְלַת הֹ' עָלָיו וַיֹּצִאֻהוּ וַיַּנִּחֻהוּ מִחוּץ לָעִיר: וַיְהִי כְהוֹצִיאָם אֹתָם הַחוּצָה וַיֹּאמֶר הִמָּלֵט עַלנַפְשֶׁךָ
אַל תַּבִּיט אַחֲרֶיךָ וְאַל תַּעֲמֹד בְּכָל הַכִּכָּר הָהָרָה הִמָּלֵט פֶּן
תִּסָּפֶה: וַיֹּאמֶר לוֹט אֲלֵהֶם אַל נָא
הֹ': הִנֵּה נָא מָצָא עַבְדְּךָ חֵן בְּעֵינֶיךָ
וַתַּגְדֵּל חַסְדְּךָ אֲשֶׁר עָשִׂיתָ עִמָּדִי לְהַחֲיוֹת אֶתנַפְשִׁי וְאָנֹכִי
לֹא אוּכַל לְהִמָּלֵט הָהָרָה פֶּן תִּדְבָּקַנִי הָרָעָה וָמַתִּי: הִנֵּה נָא הָעִיר הַזֹּאת קְרֹבָה לָנוּס שָׁמָּה וְהִוא מִצְעָר
אִמָּלְטָה נָא שָׁמָּה הֲלֹא מִצְעָר הִוא וּתְחִי נַפְשִׁי: וַיֹּאמֶר אֵלָיו הִנֵּה נָשָׂאתִי פָנֶיךָ גַּם לַדָּבָר הַזֶּה
לְבִלְתִּי הָפְכִּי אֶת הָעִיר אֲשֶׁר דִּבַּרְתָּ: מַהֵר
הִמָּלֵט שָׁמָּה כִּי לֹא אוּכַל לַעֲשׂוֹת דָּבָר עַד בֹּאֲךָ שָׁמָּה עַל כֵּן
קָרָא שֵׁם הָעִיר צוֹעַר
“And he (Lot) delayed
– so the men grasped onto his hand, onto his wife's hand, and onto the hand of
his two daughters, in Hashem's mercy on him; and they took him out and left him
outside the city. And it was as they too them out, he [one of the “men”] said:
'Flee for your life! Do not look behind you, and do not stop anywhere in all
the plain; flee to the mountain lest you be obliterated.' Lot said to them: '
Please, no! My Lord[1]
– See, now, Your servant has found grace in Your eyes and Your kindness was
great which You did with me to save my life; but I cannot flee to the mountain
lest the evil attach itself to me and I die. Behold, please, this city is near
enough to escape there and it is small; I shall now flee there – is it not
small? - and let my soul live' And He (Hashem) replied to him: 'Behold, I have
granted you consideration for this thing, too, that I not overturn the city
about which you have spoken. Hurry, flee there, for I cannot do a thing until
you arrive there.'...”
-Vayeira 19:16-22
After
Avraham davened to Hashem to save the five cities (including Sodom) that
were to be destroyed, but was unable to find any merit for them, the malachim
(angels) went ahead to carry out their mission of destroying Sodom and
saving Lot.[2]
The quoted conversation above took place as the malachim were dragging
Lot and his family out of a deteriorating Sodom. Lot was instructed to run for
his life to the mountain where Avraham was living at the time.[3]
However, Lot's response to this was very peculiar. He essential said to Hashem,
“Thank You so much for getting me out of Sodom but I am not interested in the
second part of Your plan to have me go to Avraham so I could live, because I
think I will die there. Instead, let me tell You which city I would like to go
to and You could save the city I choose to move into.” What in the world was
Lot thinking? How he could even have the audacity to challenge Hashem's plan
and offer a better option as if he was choosing a vacation destination, is a
question of which only Hashem could know the answer. However, a much simpler
question is that there seems to be a very basic mis-communication here. The malachim
told Lot to run to the mountain so that he could live. Lot then cried out
to Hashem to not make him go to the mountain because he would surely die there.
Did Lot not listen to the what the malachim were saying? They told him
that he would be safe in the mountains. Why was Lot so persistent on going
somewhere else?
Rashi[4]
writes that Lot had the following line of reasoning. He figured that while he
was living among the people of Sodom, Hashem would see his actions relative to
the citizens of Sodom and therefore consider him righteous and worthy of being
saved. After all, as wicked as Lot was, he was not as completely corrupt as the
people of Sodom. However, if he and his family were to go where Avraham was
living, then Lot was concerned that Hashem would see his deeds next to
Avraham's and, realizing how bad Lot really was, kill him.
There
are two problems with this Rashi. First of all, there seems to be a
contradiction between two Rashis. In the aforementioned Rashi, Rashi seems
to be saying that the reason Lot was saved in Sodom was because his actions
appeared as fairly decent when compared to those around him. However, Rashi[5]
comments just a few passukim earlier that the only reason that Lot
was saved was because of Avraham's merit. Which was the real reason Lot
deserved to be saved? Was it because of his own “good deeds” or only in the
merit of Avraham?[6]
Second,
who was Lot trying to fool? Did he really think that Hashem would consider him
more righteous while living in Sodom than if he was living next to Avraham? Why
should Lot's actions be viewed one way in one city and yet differently in
another?
Perhaps
we could better appreciate this Rashi by trying to understand who Lot
was. Lot was a faker. He spent many years accompanying Avraham until he just
could not bear the weird rules Avraham lived by – for example, not stealing
from others.[7]
Lot put on good enough of a show to remain in the house of Avraham for all
those years and benefit from the wealth of the tzaddik. Yet, when it
came to their separation, Lot was lured straight to the evil city of Sodom.[8]
What happened to all those years of being someone worthy of staying in the
household of Avraham? It was all meaningless. Lot had no interest in being
someone of Avraham's level, he just made sure that he was not someone who would
be evicted from Avraham's house. However, once such a costume no longer yielded
any surplus benefit over the restrictions of Avraham's house, Lot immediately
sunk to the level of Sodom.
The
truth is that a similar type of episode takes place towards the end of this
week's parsha as well. We know that when Avraham and Sarah realized that
they were unable to have children, Avraham married Hagar. The first time she is
introduced, the Torah[9]
refers to her as an Egyptian maidservant. Rashi[10]
tells us that Hagar was the daughter of the Pharaoh at that time. When he
saw the miracles which Hashem performed for Sarah, he said, “Better that my
daughter be a maidservant in the house of Sarah, and not the main wife in
another household”. Yet, despite the benefits Hagar received as being not only
a member of the house of Avraham avinu, but also his privileged wife, it
did not take long for her mask to wear out. The Torah[11]
tells us that soon after Yitzchok was born, Hagar and Yishmael turned to idol
worship. They did a good job staying worthy of staying in the house of Avraham
until they just could not take it anymore. Like Lot, their disguise only lasted
so long in Avraham's house. Once they reached their breaking point, they
snapped back to the bad depths from where they came. Rashi[12] summarizes this
best by saying that about this type of thing people say. “Throw a stick into
the air and it will land on its root.” In other words, unless someone re-roots
himself and becomes a different person, they will always be tethered to their
original roots. Therefore, as soon as the stretch becomes too great to bear,
the rope snaps back.
What
does this all come from, though? What was the common denominator underlying cause
by Hagar and Lot which guided them in these decisions and directed their
thought processes?
The
answer to this lies in the very Rashi discussed earlier. Lot invented
his own Theory of Relativity. The game he played in life was that as long as
you fake being a better person than the neighbor next door, then all will be
good. This is a belief that Lot held so firmly that when told to go back and
live with Avraham's family he was literally scared for his life. While in
Sodom, he assumed he was perceived by Hashem as a tzaddik. However, next
to Avraham, Hashem would realize how worthless he really is and dispose of him.
It never mattered to Lot that he was someone who was not comfortable with who
he was, as long as he felt comfortable with who he was not. In Avraham's house
he tried hard to maintain the level above someone unable to remain by Avraham,
and while in Sodom he made sure to just not be as bad as his neighbor. However,
Lot was not someone who ever worked on himself to become a better person. This
is why when he left Avraham, he snapped back to the lowly people of Sodom.
Really,
the only reason Lot was saved was indeed because of his uncle Avraham's zechus
(merit). Lot himself was not worthy of being saved no matter where he was
on the globe. However, this is something that Lot failed to understand. He did
not see anything special in becoming an inherently good person, as long as he
felt he was in better shape than the next, he felt safe.
Falling
into this trap of judging things relative to others is something we do on a
daily basis. There are countless examples of bad decisions we make because we
base our decisions on alternatives instead of each one individually, and we
ourselves are emotionally swayed based on how we feel we measure up compared
together. This is what I call the Gulliver's Travels Effect. We feel tall on an
island of midgets and consider ourselves short when residing among giants –
instead of closing our eyes to just decide how we feel independent of the
environment around us.
Dan Ariely, a behavioral economist, writes that he once
stumbled across an ad with a choice of three different subscription options for
the Economist magazine. The first was an Internet only subscription for
$59. The second was an offer for an in-print only copy for the magazine for
$125. The third option was a print and Internet subscription for $125. He then
conducted two studies with his class at MIT. In one experiment he offered the
class of 100 students all three options. The statistics were that 84% wanted
the combination deal, no one wanted the print-only deal, and 16% chose the
Internet only. In this case, the middle deal of in-print only effectively had
zero value. After all, one who wanted to purchase it for $125 might have as
well opted for the third choice and getting both Internet and in-print for the
same price. Indeed, the mentioned statistics seem to relate such a thought
process. However, Ariely then did this experiment again – this time eliminating
the middle option which no one had chosen anyway – and the results changed
dramatically: 68% chose the Internet-only option while only 32% opted for the
combination deal. People make decisions relative to what happens to be next to
the decision at that particular time instead of thinking through each venue
objectively and independently.
This is the Lot mentality – the
belief that as long as I am better than my friend, I am a good person. However,
this is dangerously false. Each of us is unique and has different capabilities.
Therefore, Hashem expects different things from every individual. Two people
may achieve 100% success, but 100% success for one may really only translate as
50% for the other.
Instead,
we must adopt the mentality of Avraham avinu. Avraham was someone who
was constantly working on himself every day of his life. The ten difficult
tests that he passed with flying colors demonstrated to the world that every
person must achieve the goals within his reach, regardless of what the
next-door neighbor is capable of attaining.
May Hashem help us follow in the
path of Avraham so that we realize who we are and be comfortable with the
heights we can achieve; while at the same time keeping us far from the mentality
of Lot who drowned in his own Theory of Relativity and never realized who he
was, just knew who he was not.
[1] This is according to Rashi's (19:18)
explanation that at this point Lot called out to Hashem (not to the angels).
[2] See Rashi (19:1). Two malachim went
– one specifically to destroy Sodom, and the other to save Lot. The reason for
both of them, as Rashi explains, is because each malach only
carry out one mission at a time.
[3] Rashi Beraishis 19:17
[4] Rashi Beraishis 19:19
[5] Rashi Beraishis 19:17. Rashi
writes this as an explanation as to why Lot was not permitted to look back and
see the destruction of the Sodom. Lot was not righteous that he deserve to be
saved in his own merit, it was only through the merit of Avraham that he was
being saved. Therefore, he had no right to see the others like him be wiped
out.
[6] This question is asked by the Nachalas
Yaakov on Rashi 19:19
[7] See Beraishis 13:6-7 and Rashi there.
[8] Beraishis 13:10
[9] Beraishis 16:1
[10] Ibid.
[11] Beraishis 21:9 and Beraishis 21:21
and see Rashi in both places.
[12] Rashi Beraishis 21:21
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