Parshas Chayei Sarah
Test of Kindness
By: Daniel Listhaus
“Let it be that the maiden to whom I shall say, 'Please tip your jug so I may drink,' and who replies, 'Drink, and I will even water your camels,' her will You have chosen for Your servant, for Yizchak; and may I know through her that You have done kindness with my master.”
-Chayei Sarah 24:14
Avraham charged his trusted servant, Eliezer, to find the perfect wife for Yitzchak. The Torah relates that Eliezer said to Hashem that in order to find a wife for Yitzchak, he was going to ask every woman who came to the well for a drink of water. The one who would in return offer a drink for both him and his camels, Eliezer would take as a wife for Yitzchak.
There are two questions which come up when reading about this idea of Eliezer. The first issue is one brought up by a Tosfos in Chullin1. The Gemara2 says that we are not permitted to practice divination. As a matter of fact, even a non-Jew cannot practice such conjectures. If so, how could Eliezer say that if a woman comes out and offers water to him and his camels, that he would take it as a sign that she is the right wife for Yitzchak? That would be comparable to saying, “If there is less than a half a tank of gas in my car, I will take it as a sign that Hashem does not want me to go to Shul today.” We are not allowed to base our decisions on such meaningless events. So, how could Eliezer choose to take a woman for Yitzchak just because she said some catch-phrase?
The second issue which needs to be addressed, is one which is brought by the Medrash3 as well as the Gemara4. There were three5 people in history who asked for things in a way which was inappropriate. Two of these people received good responses from Hashem, regardless of their improper requests. The third, however was not as fortunate and experienced a most horrible consequence.
The Gemara explains that the one of these three was Eliezer, who said that the girl who would respond, “Drink and I will even water your camels”, would be the one he would take as a wife for Yitzchak. This was considered to be an improper request because it left an opportunity to be open for someone to meet this requirement, yet not be the right person for Yitzchak. Fortunately, Hashem made Rivka be the one to come first with this response.
The second person was Shaul6. During his rein, the Pelishtim came to attack under the leadership of Goliyas. Shaul promised that whoever would kill Goliyas would receive tremendous riches and be able to marry his daughter. Similar to Eliezer's statement, this promise of Shaul seems pretty careless. It could have been any person who potentially might have stepped forward and manage to defeat Goliyas. Again, luckily, Hashem sent Dovid HaMelech to be the one to fight and kill Goliyas.
The third man, however, was not as fortunate. The Navi7 relates that Yiftach davened to Hashem that he should be victorious in his battle against Ammon. Yiftach promised, “If you will indeed deliver Ammon into my hands, then whatever comes out of my house first shall be for Hashem and I will offer it as a sacrifice.” Unfortunately, Yiftach's luck did not match Eliezer's or Shaul's, for the first thing to come out of his house upon his return from a successful battle, was his daughter.
Why was it that Eliezer and Shaul were granted positive responses, despite their improper requests, whereas Yiftach was left in shock, faced with the realization that, “I have opened my mouth to Hashem and now I cannot go back.”?
The Orchos Tzadikkim8 writes that there are three ways in which someone could be generous: With one's money, body, and wisdom. These three facets of this middah (trait) are actually learned from Avraham who was the first to master them. Avraham was someone who was constantly spending his money on other people, providing meals and help to those in need. Avraham also put tremendous amounts of physical effort into others, the prime example being when he involved himself in a world war in order to save his brother-in-law. Needless to say, Avraham also spent his entire life investing time and wisdom into his generation to educate them about Hashem's existence and the concept of monotheism.
When Eliezer said that he would take the first person who would offer water for him and his camels, as a wife for Yitzchak, he was not really taking any big chances. The S'forno9 writes that it is the way of one who needs someone else's help to ask for less than he really needs; but at the same time, it is the way of the generous ba'al chesed to than give more than what was asked. Eliezer was not looking for some catch-phrase that as soon as some random woman would recite the magic words, she would be taken as a wife for Yitzchak. Rather, Eliezer awaited for the person who would respond with the complete middah of nedivos (generosity); someone who was willing to put in money, physical effort, time, and wisdom into a complete stranger. Such a person would surely be the right woman for Yitzchak.
During the time of Shaul's kingship, when Goliyas and the Pelishtim started instigating and fighting, the Jews knew that their army was no match for Goliyas. There was no one who had the strength, nor the confidence that it was possible to kill Goliyas. At that point, Shaul offered his daughter to anyone who would stand up to take on Goliyas' challenge. Shaul knew that only a tremendous yiras shamayim would feel the assurance of Hashem being at his side. Therefore, although Shaul's promise might have been a little imprudent, still, there was not too much risk involved because who other than a yiras Hashem would have the confidence to fight Goliyas?
We are the descendents of Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov; a family built upon chesed. This is true to the extent that the Gemara states that anyone who does not express the qualities of someone always looking to do chesed, is not considered as being part of the children of Avraham. May we be zoche to continue our mesorah of being gomlei chasadim.
1Chullin 95b
2Sanhedrin 56b
3Beraishis Rabbah 60:3
4Ta'anis 4a
5The Medrash actually mentions four, adding Kalev to the list.
6Shmuel Alef 17:25
7Shoftim 11:30-31
8Orchos Tzadikkim: Sha'ar HaNedivos
9Beraishis 24:14
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